Recovering from Burnout | #3

NOTE: This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool. Please forgive any typos or errors. Cara Dempsey 0:02 Welcome to floductivity, a place to inspire and empower women to embrace self love and self development, for the perfect balance of productivity. I'm your host, Cara Dempsey. And I share ways to connect to your intuition through self care, cycle planning, spirituality, wellness, and everything in between. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If this is your first time, welcome. And if you've been with me here before, thank you so much for coming back. I'm so excited to join him in this journey as we learn together. Hey, guys, welcome to the episode of getting to know me, I am going to share my story. That's ultimately how I went from being an overwhelmed burnt out working mom to building my dream business. When I began the relationship with myself, I took control of my health, which I had lost a significant amount of weight, I became more present in my family's life. And I began to enjoy each and every day as it came. So my hope of sharing my story is that I understand what it feels like when you're trying to swim upstream, and everything's against you. And nourishing yourself in different ways is the best place to start whenever you feel that way. And so, it's important to take what resonates, but leave behind what does it because what works for me may not work for you. But I want to make sure that women understand that they are very important and loving themselves is the most important thing that you can do for yourself, but ultimately those around you. So I hope me sharing my story will help you understand the process a little more. So here we go. So we're gonna jump this story right to the last trimester of my pregnancy with my son, he's my second child. And life was tough. It was a really hard pregnancy for me towards the end. And I ended up getting really sick. And I would say I was probably almost the sickest I had ever been in my life. I just had this cough, I could not talk. And I was beyond stress. Because as a hairstylist, we ultimately don't get a real maternity leave. You know, I signed up for disability. So I had that. And we get six weeks, I was getting to a point where my body was shutting down. I could feel it. And the stress of taking weeks before I had my son just made everything worse. So that would leave me only having four weeks off after he was born. But I got to a point where I was like doctors, can you please put me on bed rest. And I think they're just have certain protocol. And they just kind of said like, if you have to work you have to work. And so I had to make the call to kind of bow out early and cancel. So my clients because my health needed it. And so I knew if I went into labor, when I was that sick, I'm not sure what would have happened because like I could not do anything. That's kind of the turning point of when I realized my health was kind of taking a turn. And while my son's birth was a very quick one, you know, it was also scary. The cord was wrapped around his neck. He had, you know, his face was black and blue for a few days because of it. And I was still sick at this point. But I was better than I had been. And just to give you a little background of how sick I was, I had both my kids drug free. And I had asked for pain meds because my cough was so bad. It just was hard. So imagine having to give birth care for a newborn. And then on top of that I had to take them into the hospital for two weeks after we kept having to bring them back for blood tests and making sure his jaundice was okay. So to think that like I never even really had an opportunity to sit at home. With my newborn. We just we kept having to go to the hospital and it was a lot. And then to turn around that I actually went back to work when he was only four weeks old. And I kept thinking people go through worse things than this. I can do it. I can man up. That's when life started to feel like I was going upstream on a raging river. I ended up getting strep throat he ended up getting RSV when he was just a few weeks old. He ended up having some issues he had to have surgery at four months. From there. We were always sick I want to say in that two year span after he was born, we had 26 ear infections. And when I get an ear infection, it's not a little ear infection, I have a hole in my eardrum, it's very painful. And then my kids were having these issues as well. So even after my son had surgery, at four months, my daughter ended up having to have emergency surgery just a few weeks later. And to even add more stress, my husband's work had been bought out during the time my son had been born. So that left him with out a job he was consulting, which I was so thankful for the money in the work, but it was never a end all secure spot for him. So it, you know, it was tough. Ultimately, since I had my son, my immune system was shutting down. I had you name it, I probably had the symptom. And I was going to doctors. And I mean, there was a point where the first few months I wasn't because my main priority was my kids. They had health issues. So I was putting my health issues on the backburner. And it was taking a toll. And I still had to go to work. And we still had to just keep on moving. And looking back I'm, I'm pretty sure my body at the universe was saying like, Hey, I think I think it's time that you take a break from your job. But you know, at the time, because my husband didn't have a secure job, I just did not think it was a possibility. It wasn't a possibility. To be honest, I wasn't getting answers on my health, there was just so many things being thrown at us. There was something that had just clicked, one of my co workers was talking to me and she had brought up how, in the fall, you know, she would always have a reaction to mold, it was really hard for her because she had this problem with her lungs. And it kind of clicked, my daughter had been going on like three months with this horrible cough. And we just could not figure out how to get rid of it. We didn't know if it was foods or what was causing it. So we ended up having our house tested for mold. And we found out that our vents and our crawlspace ultimately had, you know, not great levels of mold. So we had to have someone come remediate it, which it was expensive, we found out that we had to have a roof and society. And it added so much more between the medical bills, the house renovation remediation, it just it was piling up. And so I also knew, and it was also suggested that when you are remediating your house for mold, women especially, are prone to absorbing that a little worse than everybody else because of our gut health. And there are so many factors to it. And that could be a whole nother episode. But ultimately, it was suggested that I go through the process of detoxing my body and I at that point was willing to do whatever I could, because living the way of how sick I felt and my energy and my brain fog and my mood swings. I just couldn't go another day. And so I had the help of a acupuncturist, she helped guide me on this journey. And I went on a trip to visit some family. And to be honest, I didn't really expect much of this trip because it was a trip to take my nephew scheme for his Christmas present and just obviously to see family, and I was just going to be there with my son. You know him and I weren't going to go skiing, were just gonna cozy inside while everybody got to enjoy the outside. So I had found out in the process of detoxing my body that using an infrared sauna is very beneficial because it helps sweat out all those toxins that have ultimately absorbed into our bodies. And my sister in law and brother in law have one in their house. And we were staying at one of the rentals. And I had asked if there was a possibility that I could go and use their sauna on a point where you know, it wasn't going to factor in, like me being away from the kids. And they were like, of course, so I had asked them like how long for you to I go in the sauna for and my brother in law, just like flatly was like, well, as long as your body tells you. And I was like, Okay, well you know, you guys are helping watch my kids. So how long should I be there for and they were like, how long it takes for you to be there like whatever feels good to you. And I get emotional just thinking about it because I feel like since having my daughter so this has been you know, a few years I don't think there had been a single time where I wasn't on a time schedule, you know as a hairdresser. We have our days play into the minute when you know someone will be watching my kids, like I would have to make sure I'm home by a certain time, and I don't think I had spent any time just not paying attention to time. I was like, okay. Alright, I'll do that. And so I went into that sauna. And let me tell you, like, there was a lot more than just sweat released, I had surrendered, I surrendered, what do I need to do to heal from this? What do I need to do to be the best version of me. And it was the first time where and I'm gonna be honest with you, I brought in my Kindle to read in there, I brought in, you know, my journal, and like I did none of that ignoring. You just sat with myself. And I let all those emotions that I had probably been shoving down inside, come out. It was the most releasing spiritual moment I had ever had in my life. And the fact that like, I didn't have to look at the clock or know what time I had to be back just took this underlying pressure off of B. And I remember coming outside the sauna, and sitting on their front porch, looking at the trees and the mountains and just seeing like the snow. And it was like, I don't know, that was the moment that was honestly the moment where my perception changed, and just understanding what it was going to take to heal myself. And like, it was up to me. It was not up to anybody else to advocate for my health. It was not up to anyone to do the work. It was up to me. I wanted to take a quick break from this episode to talk to you about digital planning. Have you tried digital planning? Do you even know what digital planning is? It's something I fell in love with as soon as I tried it, it helps me stay on top of life. Keep focused, and bring up my most productive self. I feel less overwhelmed and can tackle more of life's daily tasks. If you want to learn more, check out my blog post at Cara Dempsey comm backslash digital planner, you can download my free digital business planner, which will help decide if digital planning is right for you. Even if you don't have a business, download the free digital planner for free at cara dempsey.com backslash free planner, or find the link in the show notes. This special gift won't be there for long, so make sure to sign up now. Thanks and enjoy the rest of the episode. And I mean, at that point I was eating so clean. I was ultimately limited to organic protein, you know, specific vegetables. You know, there was no I mean carrots were not even allowed. It was a very limited diet. I was willing to put in that work of restricting foods for myself, but it was different to kind of go within and heal what I had been. And I love my job. As a hairstylist. I love the connection I would get with my clients. I loved my coworkers. But I got to a point where I was doing everything for everyone else. And it was taking a toll. I was not doing anything for me. And I it was life changing that that was the moment sitting on that. In that sauna was the moment that everything changed. So after that weekend, like I said, I had a different perception, I had a different idea of what life should be like and you know, it was a little better going back to work. I understood that. For boundaries to be respected. They had to be made. I never really had boundaries for myself to even respond. I mean, as a hairstylist, I would withhold food, I would withhold water, I would without going to the bathroom just to stay on time. And it was no one else's fault. But myself like I did not set those boundaries. And I didn't understand that it was up to me to set them and I think in the process, the hardest thing was I was expecting everybody else to show up for me. But I wasn't communicating how I needed to be showed up for I was just expecting them to be there. But I wasn't even there for myself. So I'm showing them how I treat myself and you know I can't blame them. And ultimately the healing came within me it was not available for anyone else. But it was a hard time I felt very alone I felt very unsupported but it was because of my own internal not supporting myself. So in in this process. I had done a meditation on what my perfect A day would be like a normal day, like what I would do for work, what it would consist of. And the thing that got me the most was doing hair was not in it. You know, as home, I was able to really focus on my body and my kids. And I was feeling powerful and motivated that, you know, I was helping people, but it wasn't by doing their hair. And I just, I honestly just disregarded that meditation. It felt real, but I was like, well, that's not my reality. So we're just gonna kind of like push that to the side. And it was still to the point where I realized that self care needs to be a regular practice. But I only saw it in a way of pushing myself as much as I can. And then trying to get to a point where I can enjoy myself by myself. So for example, I had a work trip planned in March 2020. And I was so excited to just spend a night in a hotel by myself, before my coworker met me there. And as we know, COVID hit and unfortunately, I had to cancel that trip. And so I was kind of devastated because I know I was going from getting a night alone to myself to being locked in my house, with my kids and my family, which I ultimately love. But I've learned for my sanity, that I need alone time I need quiet. And it's hard to do that when you're all in the same house. So when the pandemic hit, I just busied myself, I was rescheduling my clients trying to control the situation. You know, we all know that COVID has not been able to be controlled by anyone. So I'm not sure why I thought I would be able to control it. And then when we had to reschedule our clients again, because it got pushed out. I had another like a moment where I realized I had no control over the situation. And I decided to surrender and was like, Well, you know, I'm not going to go ahead and reschedule my clients until I know there's a clear time. Because it's just wasting my energy and effort trying to please and fix all these people that are so worried about their hair, when ultimately I'm just worried about making sure I'm there for my family. And so I did take some classes and courses over the time, and one of them was called the magic of money. From Jamie see. And actually I was I was supposed to go to salt society for this class, which is the salon she owns in Connecticut. And the magic of money making came out and I thought all right, you know, give it a thought, see what it's about. And it's kind of crazy that a course for hairstylist was the one that changed. It changed it for me. And it was the last course I took before I decided that I was not going to be going back for hair. And the reason was that was I had some really deep rooted issues with money. And I always thought I was good with money because I've budgeted since I started working when I was 14, like I've always been a good budgeter. I don't like buying things unless I have the money for them. So I always had these like strict rules in place for me around money. But I also realized I did not have a healthy relationship with money. And so this course ultimately works on you know, you what's blocking you from making money. And then it goes into more of the hairstylist like how you should charge for your worth and everything like that. But obviously the the money mindset work was what did it for me. And in that process, you know, my husband and I had many conversations of should I go back to work, you know, what's standing with that. And ultimately, it was, you know, knowing that my son had RSV when he was only a couple weeks old, our family going through two years of being constantly sick, not knowing what COVID could do to us. With our immune systems being so low, you know, we were just healing from all that. And we just decided that it wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth the risk. And the biggest reason is because everybody has their own perception of what's right, what's wrong. And I could not control what someone else thought of the pandemic. And so knowing that I could be going in taking all the precautions for myself Emily and someone else sees it in a different light, I wasn't willing to take that risk. No one's hair is worth it, pleasing someone to make sure their hair is pretty was not worth it in my eyes. And I saw so many people show their true colors in that time, that it really turned me off from even putting myself in that position. And it also helped me just heal that. And I knew I didn't have the boundaries in place, you know. So another thing about taking that course, was I had this belief that and I know looking back now, it's ridiculous. But I had this idea when anytime I saw a woman staying home with her kids, I immediately judge them. And I now realize when there's judgment, it does not reflect the person you're judging, it reflects on the person who is doing the judging, and had this judgment that they were not worthy of success, if they stayed home with their kids, which now that I've done that is complete garbage, because I can see so many people who have prioritize their career, over instilling good morals and values into their kids. So they can build this idea of success around their career. But they could be falling flat on what they're bringing their kids into this world. And so I'm not saying that for everyone, I'm just saying that if you stay home with your kids, it does not take you away from being successful by any means. And if anybody projects that onto you, that's on them. And ultimately, I've left, if someone wants to judge me, I will look at them with compassion, because I know that's more of a deep rooted issue they have to work for it's not my own, I also would have normally had to have all my ducks in a row before leaving my career, you know, had a certain amount of money saved up, had things planned. And, you know, as we know, a pandemic can change that. And I had no control over that. So while it wasn't, the timing wouldn't have been right on my watch. It was probably the best thing that I could have done that I realized, you know, the beliefs I had about staying home with my kids and relationship I had with money. And that's kind of where it all started from. And I realized the universe has other plans. And again, you know, what's the point of getting frustrated over a situation I had no control over. So I decided to lean in, I invested in myself, I became present with my family. And I realize I had I was living the exact meditation I had in February, it was exactly that I thought I would have to have all my ducks in a row before making a big life change. But you know, the universe had other plans, and I leaned in, I invested in myself, I became present with my family. And I was living the exact meditation I had back in February. And I you know, it was the best thing that I could ever done for myself and for my family. So the question is, do I have it all figured out? Absolutely not. Definitely not. No one does. If anybody is showing you that they have the formula or the plan, you know, I would think twice. But I can tell you the things that I've learned is I did a lot of self reflection. I tried to look at the things that triggered me. I did a lot of self development. I did a lot of self care. And I feel like the moral of my story is I have to continually grow and invest in myself to become a better person. And when you get stagnant and you don't put that time and energy into yourself. You're showing yourself you're not worthy enough, you're not important enough. And that's not what I want my kids to see in a mom. Some other things that really came forth was the symptoms I was having. That was my body screaming at me like hey, things aren't right. You're, you're, you're not going in a direction that's healthy for you. You need to take a step back. You need to take a moment and listen to your body. Because I was so busy. You know like I think about it when I would leave work. And I would immediately call someone on the way home and don't get me wrong. I always enjoyed those phone calls. But I never sat with myself. Like, it was scary to sit with myself because I never really wanted to hear my emotions feel my emotions. But I can tell you, a lot of the sickness I dealt with was because those emotions were stuck in my body, you know, the anger, the sadness, all of it was like deep inside, and I really had to go in and say, I hear you, I hear you, support you, and we're gonna do this together. So, a big factor was my body, our bodies communicate with us, they give us symptoms to show where there's issues. And there's a lot of books on this, like, your bodies, your body keeps score. I feel like a lot of my communication was emotions trapped in my body, I just never let myself feel the emotions, I could not sit with myself and feel those emotions. I was cleaning up my products, I was cleaning up my food. But I realized that I was still taking birth control, which is ultimately a synthetic hormone. And so I decided, and had the conversation with my husband about, you know, using other methods. Because I originally went on birth control to help regulate my period when I was, you know, a teenager, my periods have never been regular, they have always been super long in length, and heavy. And it was very hard as a teenager. So I went on birth control. And I never went off, you know, except obviously, when I was pregnant with my kids. So I had been on birth control for a lot of years, like, almost 23 years, I was on birth control. And so I just said, you know, talk to my husband, and I said this, I need to do this for my body, I need to see if that's something that I can use to benefit myself. And so I didn't actually know how to have a period, I always had a pill telling me when my period was, and so I began to research about what a normal period is, and maybe how we can nurture ourselves during this time. And so I was on this, you know, path to figure out my body. And I understood that my body is different from other women. And that's kind of the point we are all different. So what we're, what may works for me might not work for you, but I'm tracking my period became so much more than that. I started to see my cyclical nature, I started to see the patterns arose. I started to see my cyclical nature, I started to see all the patterns. You know, it's You don't realize how it's all connected. And so I began this journey to learn more, how can I use it, and I started to see it as a gift. The more I understood my cycle, the more I saw how I can use it in my daily and work life, like it became a powerful thing that I was like, Yo, how do we not know about this? Why are we acting like our period is this curse. And so you know, I started teaching myself and making resources for myself so that I could use it to my advantage. When you don't nourish your body in a way that is good for your period, you know, it turns into symptoms, when you don't allow your body to rest at certain times of your cycle. They turn into symptoms. And so, you know, the one thing I realized was, you know, when I was going to the doctors during that time where my immune system was shutting down, or ultimately they were like you have, you know, unknown autoimmune issues, we don't really know the cause. We don't really know how to help you. And, you know, got frustrating. And so when I was looking to like autoimmune issues, it's something like, almost 80% of autoimmune issues are women with cycles. Let me say that, again, almost 80% of autoimmune issues are in women with cycles. So tell me, how can they not be related? I think as a culture, we've always kind of pushed that away. And, you know, I just, that's my most powerful message is we're all different Right. And the best thing we can do is honor our bodies, whatever that may be for you. And for me, it was acknowledging and nourishing my cycle and the way that works for me. And so I hope in this process, you know, I can bring resources to women, so they better understand their cycles, because so many people in this process have like, I have this I have that I have this and they all come back to autoimmune issues. And it's like, learn your cycle, get to know it better. Understand that, there are certain times that you should really cut back on sugar. And there are certain times that you need to let your body rest, and you should not be doing that hit workout, and that you should be moving your body and understanding what your body needs and giving it that. And that's ultimately what I do when I plan around my cycle. And I'm not, you know, the perfect at it by any means. But I know when my body says, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm gonna show this symptom to you. The first thing I do is I look at, Okay, where am I at my period? And how can I nourish it, it's just my guideposts every time I start to not feel well. So it's just in this process, I've tried to connect with my intuition. Because ultimately, our intuitions will guide us in the right way. You know, you might come across something that may teach you a lesson. It's not a mistake, it's it's meant to teach you a lesson. But I've been called to share ways that women can get in tune with themselves. And I've been trying to find the right way to do that. And so, launching this podcast feels exactly what I've been waiting to do for the last two years, I want to bring women on that we can hear their purpose, their gifts, and how they can guide other women back to themselves. I want to create meditations that are for the every day life that can really help you take a moment, even for a few minutes to understand that the energy that you are admitting to other people can affect them. And so just taking a moment to see how you're feeling inside, honor yourself, and so that when you know you're triggered, or what, maybe you're not affecting someone else, because you didn't take the time to sit with those emotions and feel. So a lot of the reason why I need you guys here is because I fell in this spiritual journey. I've completely isolated myself from most of the outside world, I knew I had a lot of healing to do within, before I used my voice in this way. I knew it was best to stay off social media, because I know my whole life I've been easily influenced. I have an open emotional center and my human design. And you know, hope that's something we can dive into later. But it makes sense that, you know, I feel people's emotions, I think that's why I connected so much with my clients is because I would feel their emotions that they're going through and navigate that connection. But I never knew how to leave it when they checked out. I never knew how to reset my energy before my next client, I didn't understand the idea of what energetic hygiene was and how important it is. And so just these little tips that I've found, I want to be able to help those who don't realize they exist. Or maybe if they do, it just helps deepen their practice. I've reflected on, you know, the relationships I've had throughout my life and how important they all have been in the seasons, I've also realized that I need a different kind of support going forward, you know, I've changed, I would say more in the last two years than my whole life. And so, you know, I realize what I need and what I want, and, you know, I'm not I'm not gonna settle for any less than that, because I found that when I put my energy into, you know, a lasting relationship, I really give it my all and, you know, I want that in return. I want to be able to have that connection and hold space for that person. And I want them to do the same for me and I know not everybody can do that. You know, we're all different. And we're all in different places of our life. And what I may need is very different from someone else. You know, I want to connect with like minded women, but I also want to connect with the women that again, they don't realize that the change starts within. I want to be able to help them find the tips and the tools that can help them be calm their best self and I want this space I have give support for all those types of women, the ones that need that need support the ones that can give support, and I want to hear your struggles, I want to find out how this podcast could help you heal and move forward in your life and be more enjoyable, and be more present and create more love in the world. Because, you know, I, I definitely had a more negative mindset. You know, I kept feeling like, all this is happening to me. And it was like that moment I had in that sign. I was like, no, no, no, this is happening. For me, this is mine, I get to experience this. And I get to turn around and make an impact to help other women and let them know that they're supported. And there's a place where they can come to that they feel accepted. There's a community, there's joy, there's support when you go through the dark times, because it's not all love and light. When you're going through the dark times. You need those people there so that you can emit when you need help, because we all need help at times. So if you're still here, I think you found me for a reason. I'm glad you found the space and welcome to Floductivity. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If this was your first time welcome. And if you've been here for a bit thank you for coming back. I put the magic of money making course the benefits of an infrared sauna, and the two different books that have helped heal my relationship with my cycle in the show notes. To view the complete show notes and all the links mentioned in today's episode visit cara dempsey.com forward slash three. Before you go make sure you subscribe to the podcast to receive new episodes right when they are released. Those few seconds make a big impact on my podcast and I would be grateful for the support. Thank you again for joining me. In this episode of Floductivity We'll chat soon my friend Transcribed by https://otter.ai