Listening To Your Higher Self with Kristen Girard #26

Kristen === Cara: [00:00:00] On today's show, we're having Kristin Gerard luminary artist, a healing guide, and a speaker who through her art in story helps you see the joy wonder and beauty of who you are. She specializes in creating higher self portraits and astrological portraits. Each artwork is sacred. A message, a channel for divine love. She lives with a whole flock of chronic health dragons that inspired a powerful journey of self reclamation and taught her the wisdom of self love. New Intro: Welcome to Floductivity. A place to inspire and empower beings to embrace self-love and self-development. For an achievable balance of productivity. I shared different ways to come back to your intuition through spirituality. Self care, human design. Cycle planning. Wellness and everything in between. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If this is your first time. Welcome. And if you've been here with me before, thank you so much for coming back. I'm so excited to join you in this journey as we learn together Cara: welcome to the show, Kristin.[00:01:00] Kristen: Hi there. Thank you for having me here. It's a joy to be here Cara: Great. And can you introduce our special little guest that's on your lap? Kristen: and we are joined by my best studio, buddy, little dude, who is the official cat attending this? Cara: Awesome. Welcome little dude. So I always love to start the show to hear what my guests, self care practices that are non-negotiable to you. Kristen: Hmm, I have a whole list. painting actually is one of my self-care practices. I always do best life goes best when I'm painting. So that's a number one first thing I do. and then eating really, really well. I, I know that I feel my best when I'm fueling my body. Well, so every morning, really nice breakfast, every, you know, lunch, dinner, very food focused. I have type one diabetes, so it really helps the higher quality food I'm eating and the better I feel. And then of course, caring for type one diabetes. Number one, actually that determines everything else.[00:02:00] and then I sit down and I have a talk with my soul every day and sometimes she talks back and other times she's kind of quiet and that's okay. Cara: I love all those, I think certain people put self care in a specific box, and I love that so many people are just finding what draws their soul, what brings them back to themselves and painting seems to be a reoccurring thing. And so I always encourage people to find that thing that really helps connect with themselves. And of course, taking care of yourself is the utmost important. I've always found that when I don't fuel myself right in the morning, it's really hard to stay connected with myself throughout the day. I tend to put my needs off more and more and more when I don't put them a priority, first thing. And so I could only imagine having type one diabetes on what that could be like. But I think knowing that that is your primary focus is,a huge fact in your life. I'm sure. Kristen: Yeah, I [00:03:00] think when we get up and we're kind of rushing from the start of things, it really affects our creativity for the whole day, pretty badly. You know, it gets our brain on a different track where if you can center and when you're talking with where your source of creativity comes from it,gives the whole day a different kind of energy and focus. That's just so much more healthy. Like I notice my health and improves dramatically. The more, I do, you know, like I paint, eat, well, make sure everything's going as well as I can with diabetes and do my spiritual practice. And if I don't cuz you know, I'm human, I get off track and my health will really start to down slide pretty fast. And uh,no fun. Cara: it's no fun. And I think the time of being selfish as people would say is over, because if we do not care for ourselves, then everyone else around us will see this version of us. It's not bringing what we can really bring to the table and just [00:04:00] reclaiming. Our really ourselves is where our main attention need to go to. Kristen: And then everyone else benefits around us and it's not selfish, Yeah, the more full of ourselves, we are in a really positive way, the more self full that there's so much more of us to go around in a really good way. And we're also able to say no from a much firmer place and mean it. And when we say yes, we're really saying, yeah, I really do wanna do that. And life just flows so much better. Cara: it really does. I have been kind of trying to connect with the idea of when I started this spiritual awakening of mine and how I was looking so much in external. Situations things, courses people to figure out how to get further on that journey. And while I am so grateful for the teachers, the resources and all the things that have helped me get to the place today, the most mind blowing[00:05:00] the thing that has propelled me beyond is understanding myself, understanding my needs, understanding how I'm built and taking the time to learn about myself so that I can benefit those around me and not putting it so much into those external things. Kristen: They'll help you they'll guide you. Of course they will, but you really need to connect with yourself, understand the foods that nourish you understand when your energy's low, your body's telling you something. And when your energy's high it's because you probably nourish yourself to get to that point, Yeah, it's amazing what a difference it makes taking the time to get to know yourself. And it does take time. It's a process, you know, it doesn't happen overnight, but it's worth it. Like just to know like little things. Like I know that I feel much more creative when I have really lovely black loose leaf tea and wonderful chocolate bars. It's a snack on all day, you know,I know that I just work better. It feeds well feeds [00:06:00] my soul, which feeds my art, which it just works so much better. And it's, it's such a little thing. And I had tried to like, be like, ah, you don't really need black tea. You can get rid of the caffeine and all blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.Like my creativity didn't flow as well. Cuz I didn't feel that sense of like comfort and just the wonder, like every time I drink a really nice cup of tea and I have that chocolate and melt in my mouth while I'm drinking a tea and it's such it's luxury and such a little thing. And that little bit of luxury is it sounds really wonderful messages like through our whole body and like being, and it's energizing. Cara: So much. So I love that. just that idea, like burn the candles, eat the chocolate, use the nice bath bomb. Do those things that make you happy because tomorrow is not promised enjoy those things, because if it's something that really brings you joy, you'll go by more. You'll realize when you miss it, or when you, need that creative boost that [00:07:00] you'll say, okay, I'm gonna go get some of that chocolate. Kristen: So just knowing those things that really light you up. And for me, it's candles. I love candles. I love things that smell good. And I have to be reminded that it's like, I can make more, I can buy more, just burn them. If they make me that happy, Yeah. It's amazing how we deny, those simple pleasures that make life feel so much richer. And it's actually a self denial, you know, and you get into issues of like self worth and stuff. Like who am I to burn this candle? Who am I to drink? Nice tea and chocolate? Who am I to wear the nice clothes in my closet? You know, like we get like putting off all the good stuff for later until this fantasy time when you earn it. And instead enjoying the stuff every day, it kind of takes that,drive for success and achievement, which success and achievement are nice, but it's the journey where all the, the like rewards of life are found and that journey is full [00:08:00] of that good stuff. Campbells tea, chocolate, stopping to smell the flowers. That's really what life is. It's all the little things together. I knew the last couple years just trying to build this business that I have this vision of, I would get this vision through my intuition and say, okay, I'm gonna do this. And then somehow in the process, I would cut off that intuition. I would cut off that source to say, these are the things that I wanna do in building my business. Cara: I'm building this business because I wanna feel good every day. I wanna be able to wake up and have a cup of coffee on my back porch and not feel like I have to rush out the door. You know, these little things that bring me so much joy and here I am having the opportunity to do it. And then I would cut that off. It was this self denial and I would get to the end goal, I would be left feeling. Depleted, I would be left feeling like I didn't accomplish what I wanted. Even if I did [00:09:00] check the box,I did not enjoy the journey. I was trying to jump to the end and you're right. It's like finding those things. And so like every day I have to say, like, I have this stuff I have to do, I have to do this action, but I need to remember to, meditate before I get started, give gratitude to where I'm at. Just take those little things to help me feel like it's feeding my soul into more of what I wanna do. And since I've had this, like, realization of it, the things that I've been deeply wanting have been coming. And it's felt like, the last year and a half I was, I was literally blocking myself from those things because I would hustle through. And so hustling, it works for a certain part of your life. And then you realize that's not what I want. I don't wanna hustle through life. I wanna enjoy the moments. I wanna enjoy the candles of the chocolate and the process. Kristen: Yeah. And then hustle, like that's become one of those words that I wish I could take out of the English [00:10:00] language, because it's like, oh, you know, you're so great. You do the hustle, hustle, hustle, you get so much done. And that emphasis on hustle and done, like someone who's lived with a lot of chronic illnesses, my whole life that I don't have hustle in me. And there is no like pushing through there is what I have currently right now to work with. And I can't guarantee that I'll be able to hold the same energy tomorrow. If I don't take care of myself today and even caring for myself, I've learned that a lot of times when, like I have these health things come in, it's my body's way of working with my soul to delay me for some reason. And I've learned to be like, okay, there's something I need to focus on. There is sometimes it's just literally like you need to rest. And I know that when I'm creative, it really comes from a place to being well rested doing without sleep. Just that, that hustle mentality [00:11:00] and the idea that you're not worthy, if you can't hustle, I think that's really toxic for our culture as a whole, but particularly people who are dealing with challenges, like I call my, chronic illnesses dragons because they come into your life, uninvited. They burn the village down, they roarer, they scare everybody. They eat your flock of sheep and then they fly off and you think, okay, whew, they're calling. And then they come back in and do it again, just as they're starting to. And at the same time, those dragons can also be really wonderful keepers of wisdom and, you know, entails dragons, hold the answer to the riddle or they're guarding the treasure. And sometimes the treasure is the realization that things like hustle are overrated and maybe that's what we're supposed to be learning to be present in the moment. That's an essential life skill. I wish that we taught that through all levels of like, you know, when you're, a kid, right alongside math, the art of being present.[00:12:00] Cara: I have not been able to be present until COVID hit. when COVID came, it made me wake up to realize that every minute of every day was planned to the second I was a hair stylist. My appointments were just booked in my day. And I liked them that way. I wanted the most efficient time blocked how my day would go. If I'm gonna be at work, I wanna make all the money I can. And then I wanna leave it be. And I burnt out, you know what I mean? Like C made me realize when we down. Wow. I would hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle, and then be like, okay, I'm gonna go get a massage. And it's like, that's the idea of self care. It's not like you have to hustle to earn yourself self care. No self-care needs to be integrated into your daily life so that you feel nourished so that you have the creativity, you have that drive to be able to do what you want. But it took me not having [00:13:00] to go to work. I fought it at first. I automatically rescheduled all my clients in COVID. I just was like, okay, let me get you in. I'm gonna fix everything. I'm gonna stay late. I'm gonna fix everything. And then they pushed it out again. And I was like, I can't control this. I have zero control about what what's gonna happen. And I'm just going to say, I'm sorry. I don't know. We'll have to wait and see, I don't know. Maybe I zoomed out, I don't know what it was, but I just had this idea of like, I was finally allowed to enjoy the moment. I wasn't, I couldn't plan anything because it was so unknown. And so while I know COVID w has been a very hard time for a lot of people, and I'm not saying that it was easy peasy for me either, but it did open my eyes to being able to enjoy the moment as a constant planner. Like my husband would always get so mad because I would be planning for our next vacation while we were on our previous vacation. [00:14:00] And so knowing when planning is appropriate and then being able to kind of put the framework in place. but then be able to enjoy the moments while we're there. So it's been taking practice and patience and I'm still learning every day on how to be more present. But, I'm grateful for that lesson. I really am. Kristen: Yeah. And COVID, it's interesting. So it has had such a wide range effect on so many people. And for me, like I'm used to being by myself. I'm an artist and by nature, I'm like, all right, you know, I hang out with my paintings and I hang out with my cat. And, because I have often had so many chronic illness battles I find it very restful to be by myself. So I was really surprised when so many people were being like, it was driving him crazy being by themselves. And it really made me think about, oh, this is one of the gifts I have been given because I was the only kid who had type one diabetes growing up. It is so rare for me to run into people [00:15:00] type one. And it's been very isolating. And I was also like the smart kid who actually enjoyed studying. I love to learn. And so I didn't know that being comfortable with yourself and present with yourself. And who you are. I had no idea that was a thing that other people struggled with, cuz I had been. And then I really had to examine that. And now that I've like been kind making a study of when do I feel most comfortable with myself, when do I start to get off center? And ive realized how wonderful it actually is to be, to love who you are in a lot of ways. Cuz I think from what I've observed, the reason why so many of us are not comfortable, like why we have to schedule things and have everything running. And if it's not on the line of success and achievement and hustle and doing, because that stuff distracts us from being present with ourselves and at one with ourselves, all of a sudden when you have to [00:16:00] do that, it's a scary thing. Like when all of that gets taken away, And your life is one of flow accidentally because you keep getting knocked off your center. And the only way to deal with that really is to say, okay, I'm gonna be knocked off my center. I cannot predict when that will happen. I cannot schedule when that will happen. Really. I need to surrender to the unexpected and say, okay, show me what I need to do now, or better yet asking yourself what would feel good to do now. And that's kind of scary, cuz a lot of times we think, oh, you know, obviously it's like read a book and drink tea chocolate, obviously that's but then that might be your answer at first, cuz that's restful. At least for me, that's like how I get my highest quality rest. But when we get to really know yourself, And you've had enough rest and your well is full. All of a sudden it's gonna be, I think I need to go work on my podcast. How can I help [00:17:00] other people? What is it that the world needs to hear that I have to say, or I'm gonna go help my mother out. She's having a hard time. You know, all of a sudden you can do that, cuz you're listening to yourself and allowing yourself to guide you from within, instead of this external calendar and idea hustle and scheduling and achievement. And that stuff starts to mean a lot less. It's okay to not be first place. Matter of fact, it might be a whole lot more fun to be last place. Cara: Yeah. You don't have the expectations from everybody else, Kristen: Yeah. And you can enjoy the race Cara: Yeah, Kristen: and actually say it's not a race anymore. I'm just having a really fun trip. Cara: exactly. I think that's so true. and this might not apply to everyone, but you know, I can see that that uncomfortableness of being by yourself. I think people are afraid to feel their emotions. They don't know how to feel their emotions. They don't know how to honor their emotions. They don't know how to process their emotions. Kristen: Absolutely. yeah, I feel like that's scary for them. And it is, scary when you [00:18:00] don't know how to do that. And a little bit of my own process through that is some of the healing work I had to do was I kept looking for this external inclusion, Marker of success. Cara: Yeah. A marker of success and. When I started finally giving all that external, wanting internally, it changed my life. I realized I was putting this unattainable expectations that I wanted from other people that I was never gonna get. And I kept getting disappointed over and over again. And when you learn how to do it for yourself, that is self love. That is your self journey. And being able to give yourself the things that you've been so desperately craving from other people and knowing that you are the source of being able to give yourself all those things, you just gotta figure out how to listen, give space for it. and it [00:19:00] will come with time. Kristen: Absolutely. And it's one of those things that is actually hard at first, cuz we're so used to like nitpicking ourselves, like, oh, you didn't do the dishes fast enough. You left too late. I like, we are masters at beating ourselves up, but we're newbies at approving of our. It's amazing. The energy shift. Like you could feel it just by saying, wow, you did a really good job. Feeding the cat. Look how happy the cat is. You did a good job. Oh my gosh, you brushed your teeth. You remembered to brush your teeth among all the things you have to do. And it sounds so silly. But think about the last time someone actually told you, good job, it doesn't really happen that much. And the person we do need to hear good job from is really ourselves. Cuz we can't control what they're thinking, what they're feeling. And that's a hard lesson to learn. Like you can't make somebody love you ever doesn't matter what you do. You could turn yourself inside, [00:20:00] out into someone you don't recognize. And yet the person who will love you, who will approve of you. And who will say, oh my God, you got this it's you. And it's so much more rewarding somehow. I don't really have words for it, but it's this wonderful intangible recognition and acceptance of self. And it frees you up to deal with all the other stuff in your life. That can be hard. Like I don't enjoy doing my insulin pump infusion site changes, they hurt. And I could look at it and be like, oh my God, you know, it's so awful. My stupid body did the stupid thing to me. Why did it have to kill my pancreas? But when I'm looking at, from an act of self love, I can say, Hey, you know what? Every time I change my insulin site, I am choosing to live another two to three days forever. I have to change 'em every two to three days. And that shifts from something that's a Royal pain to do to being an act of self [00:21:00] affirmation. And it also becomes, something that really helps you deal with your emotions and I'm using the word deal like quotation marks, because I hate the word deal just as much as I hate the word hustle. but we use that a lot. Oh, I've just gotta deal with this. I've just gotta deal with my anger. Oh, if I could just get over this fear, if I could just take that word out too. So taken deal hustle and just out, but they're so ingrained, our emotions are messengers. We are human. We incarnate it as souls to be able to feel emotions as intensely as we do. Kristen: Whether that is joy or happiness or the things that we are told are the darker emotions like anger and fear and even depression. That's one of the things, the kind of our idea is really shown me our emotions. us. On one hand, they point us in the way of our deepest choice, the things that light us up the most. And at the same time, they show us what's out of [00:22:00] alignment with our lives. So like when you're going to work and you just feel despair, you're not wrong for feeling despair, that despair is saying something is wrong about the situation. Maybe you're dealing with a boss, you can't stand because maybe they're pretty toxic, or maybe you're afraid to go home because you're living in a situation that needs to change. Your fear is telling you that and our emotions instead of trapping us. Can actually set us free when we listen to what they're saying. And it's, it's difficult at first because when we first start listening to our emotions, the things that might come up are the darker ones first. And they can be very, very loud, depression. That's a very hard one that kind of suppresses all the others, but depression is really the opposite of joy. So when we can start to like take it apart and say, okay, where is this coming from? What is starting this situation? And you don't have to know, you might not get any immediate answers, but just allow yourself to be open and to listen and, [00:23:00] you know, write occasional notes down. You don't necessarily have to journal. You could just sticky note it. You could just have an app on your phone open where you just write things randomly when it comes up. But it's nice to have a little bit of a record about that because it helps you unpack. What's actually going on and things like anger, honestly, in the culture we live in and the world we live in today, we have a lot to be angry about and that anger is telling us, okay, we're angry because maybe we want more freedom. Or because we see someone else being hurt and we feel powerless to stop, or because we keep getting told you're not allowed to do X. And that could be something from eating organic kale because that's snobby or something like, you're not allowed to get the medication you need because your insurance company says, Nope, not for you. Or maybe you're not allowed to go to the doctor because you're in a spiritual community that is telling you there's something wrong with you for having a chronic illness and all that stuff. It can be difficult to deal with [00:24:00] a first let's start listening to it, let it come out. As you're journaling, go grab a field hockey, stick in a ball, you know, swing it, let that anger start to move out of your body. Let the depression start to lift because when we really get to know ourselves and what's driving those emotions, that darkness starts to lift and we start to see the light that was underneath it, waiting for us to recognize all that stuff. And we start stepping into our own power is a good thing, power and the hands of people like you and me and everyone listening. We are the people who should have power because it's coming from a place of self empowerment and love. We need more people with love in their hearts. To have power in this world to accept their innate power and to say I'm really angry about what's happening with the environment. So I am going to use the love for the environment that is fueling that anger to make positive change. Now, today, however, that looks like for you. Cara: [00:25:00] Yeah, that's so powerful. And I think, talking about emotions, the first step is acknowledging it and then going from there, because I think. A lot of this generation had been told, like, you're fine, get up or, move on out. And I had it worse and it's, again, this lineage of that's how they were taught and that's how they know how to deal with it. And that is fine. But we are to a point where we see that stuff like that can turn into illness, it can get stuck in our bodies and you're right. Like honoring it, acknowledging it, and knowing that it's up to us to move it through is huge. And that's such a powerful reminder because we do have the capability of change. like we were saying in the beginning of this episode, I think it starts with uncovering who we are uncovering, how we operate. Accepting ourselves of how we are. We don't have to let other people's expectations or [00:26:00] ideas of how they think we were or how they think we should be, get in the way of that. Cara: And I think if, even if we think a part of us is not accepted or is quirky or is whatever may be, that's our superpower, it really is. That's our superpower. Like don't hide it. And I think that a lot of my difficulty of trying to figure out how I can show up what I can do was because I was still allowing the expectations of other people of the content I created, kind of come down and then I had this like free moment of, I will not change the perception others have of me. I will not. So, if they're already gonna have that perception of me, then I'm just gonna do what I want anyways, because no matter what I do, it's not gonna change. So listening to what I wanna do and just doing it has been the most freeing thing. like you were saying before, surrendering, that's been a huge [00:27:00] part is to get clear on what I wanna do surrendering to that. And I think the universe will show me the way when I do that. And part of the lesson for me is that the universe doesn't show me. It's because it's time for me to rest. It's time for me to take a break because I love to work. I love to be productive, but there's a time and a place for productive and there's a time and a place for rest. And you haveto be productive, you have to listen to your body for that rest in the process. Kristen: Absolutely. So we are one of the few creatures that will ignore our need for rest. Like it's one of those things that we have, evolved to be able to do. And there's good reasons to be able to do that for survival's sake. And yet when we ignore what our body's telling us, our body gets more and more off sync there's, something that comes up a lot, the idea of crying as being a weakness, that one always gets like my ear up cause a lot of times when we cry, you know, we are expressing an [00:28:00] emotion, it could be grief. I also happen to cry when I am extremely angry and I don't wanna harm anyone else, but that emotion has to come out some way. And I've been in situations where I've been doing everything I can to not say what's at the top of my mind, because I know that it will do more harm than good. And I will end up crying because the words won't come out. I'll find ways later of diplomatically, suggesting X or Z that I refrained from saying when I was angry, or it might be a situation where I just decide, I need to remove myself entirely and it's okay. We need to give ourselves more permission to not be around people who harm us. We don't have any car duty. To heal everyone around us. The only person we're responsible for healing is ourselves. And the only other critters outside of ourself that we're responsible for are our kids and our pets, everyone else, including our spouses, [00:29:00] their job is to take care of themselves. And we kind of, we forget that a lot, but crying is actually a strength because it is a sign that you are more in connection with your emotions than the people who were telling you to shut down the tears because only babies do it. No full grown, strong adults who are in sync with their emotions cry because they're alive because they're human because we are here to experience life and our tiers are a sign that we're experiencing life. And the more you allow yourself to grow and unpack. You'll find yourself crying at a lot more books and movies, cuz you have more empathy and compassion and we need that so badly. So let the tears flow. Cara: I agree with that. I've had a couple, meetings masterminds where I was very emotional and normally I would probably just close out of the call and walk away with like no explanation. And I [00:30:00] told them, I said, I'm feeling very emotional. I will probably cry. if I feel like it's overwhelming, I will probably step away. And their reaction to me being comfortable enough to cry in front of other people was just like, thank you for showing your strength. And I was like, wow, I never thought of it that way. It's like, I wanted to be there. I wanted to be able to have a conversation, but the conversations were obviously bringing something up. And so seeing that their appreciation that I was just being honest to say, this is I'm going through something. I am emotional. I'm letting you know that this. You don't have to feel bad about it. I'm just going to let my tears flow and it was reassuring for them to be like, thank you for showing your strength. And I was like, wow. Okay. Thank you. Because I didn't see it that way. So for them to say that it was, it felt good. Kristen: Yeah, absolutely. And it's freeing some of those weird things when we allow ourselves to be ourselves and free to cry and we don't have to like, even warn people we're about to cry. Cuz sometimes I have no idea [00:31:00] that I am about to just start breaking out and cut fulls of tears. That allows other people to say, oh God, I'm feeling awful about this too. Or maybe they're going through something very similar in their lives. And they haven't been able to cry about it. And you crying is like opening up a door for them to cry and get all that emotion that they need to out. And who cares if you go through a box of tissues and your nose is all red, it's all good. I say that, my children are the biggest teachers in my life. they have really shown me that they have, high emotions. And when I honor those emotions, when I acknowledge them, their reaction to it is so much more empowering than when I try to say like, you're fine, get over it. And one in particular with my daughter was she was really scared to do this prayer at her school in front of the whole school, not even her class, the whole school, actually the whole church, hundreds of people. Cara: And I was like, [00:32:00] I would be scared too. And she's like, really? And I said, But you know, the one thing that you can do is you can practice. And you can practice and if you still feel too scared to do it, then I think it's okay to tell your teacher that you don't feel up for it. But I bet if you just keep practicing, you won't be as scared. And I think you'll have a different idea about it. And by the end of those,two weeks that we were practicing every day, she was so excited to be able to recite that prayer in front of me and my husband. So excited that she was like, here's the paper, I'm gonna put it over here. I have it memorized now. So just seeing that process of saying like, yeah, I'd be scared too. I understand where you're coming from. And you know, you are brave for taking that. And then it empowered her to say, okay, yeah, I'm allowed to be scared, but guess what? I am going to do what I can to try and not be scared. And so seeing. Kristen: This five year old, see that opportunity and take it and, dive into it. It was, Okay. You got [00:33:00] feelings and it's okay. There is so much wisdom in that too, you know, by but instead by meeting. And saying it's okay. And helping her with the joy, you know, supporting her while she was practicing, until it becomes this act of confidence. I won't be surprised if she becomes an order, you know, because a public speaker and loves it and you helped her path align, you know, you helped heal something for her. And that's amazing what a gift, especially that young, but that is something that even as adults we can do for each other, that that's what sisterhood is really about supporting each other. I love it. Cara: Yeah. It even helped me. I had a situation when I was in middle school and I passed out in front of my whole class and I had a fear of speaking since then. And so I felt like her having to do that came like the right time for me, where I had to take a step back and what did I need at that time to be able to kind of get over that because I held onto that [00:34:00] fear. I took a public speaking class in high school and I still didn't get over it. I still like never could jump over it. I mean, even if I were sitting at a table with 10 people and we had to introduce ourselves, like I would freeze up just because of that one experience. So, you know, like I said, children can be the show where we need to heal. And so like, she healed me as much as, I may have healed her in that, in that idea of mindset. So you never know, maybe she will be a public speaker or something of the sort, try and help her, however I can in that way. Kristen: Yeah. it's amazing like that idea of like get over it. You don't get over something, you know, it's not a hurdle, you're not a horse at a steeple chase jumping over the jump. It, it doesn't work like that. It takes, working through and meeting with that. Cara: That is so true. Cycle planning AD: Are you looking to have a more easeful and purposeful life? Well, planning around my cycle has changed my life. And I know with this concept, it can help other women take on the [00:35:00] test. At the right times for more productivity. I created a free cycle planning principles to help guide you. Understand your cycle. For your work and home life. Visit Caradempsey.com/cycle. Or check the show notes. now I wanna know more about, what you do.so I know you draw higher self portraits and I would love to know the story behind your art and maybe what your process is. Kristen: Oh, sure. So remember how I said I had a lot of chronic illness dragons. They actually are the reason why I do what I do today. They have been my greatest teachers. Like if I wanted to set up a, if I wanted to, as a soul, I said, all right, I'm gonna come into this life to learn a couple of the things I'm gonna make sure I do it. No matter how much I procrastinates, I would've chosen the chronic illness dragons I have. So I have the type one diabetes. I had a really bad eye injury when I was three years old, that came back to haunt me. When I was 2013, I had another surgery. I almost lost my right [00:36:00] eye. and it's still pretty fragile and delicate. and between those two things. Is so I could lose my right eye at any time because of that eye injury and type one, diabetes is really hard on your eyeballs. And I could go blind from that. And that's something where I've really had to do some self examination and to really say, okay, I'm someone who was drawn to the arts. Even when I thought I wanted to be a scientist as a kid, I was really interested in the drawing stuff. And I was drawing angels in fifth grade until my, for a quarter, until my business was shut down by the teacher who thought I should really be paying attention to social studies instead so this, this art through line has been there, but I held back for a long time because well, I could lose my eyesight at any time. And I remember in my twenties thinking, well, you know, maybe you'll make it to 40 and still have eyesight. You know, that's old, you know, with. Being a 20 year old, 40 seems far away now being in my forties. It's very young but yeah, so I had this stuff going [00:37:00] on and I didn't really appreciate my skills and abilities until that second eye surgery. When I had to relearn how to draw. I mean, and I say this, I was in the middle of going to graduate school. I had a BFA in illustration and I was earning my MFA in illustration and I had had two years of other college before that. So in the end I had like eight and a half years of arts education on top of having drawn my whole life. And yet I thought, you know, anybody can do what I'm doing. there isn't really anything special about what I'm doing. And maybe, maybe I should just not even be an artist. So this eye injury stuff comes up and I start realizing how important art is to me and that the idea of never being able to paint again, or to draw again, felt awful. I was lying their like recovering after surgery and my retina had detached for the second time. And they weren't able to prepare it surgically and I'm was basically stuck staying [00:38:00] still for three months, staring straight ahead so that my retina could settle where it needed to. I couldn't even change the TV cuz that involved putting my head slightly down. So I mean, it was really hard and it was a beautiful summer. Like I kept looking outside wishing I could go down, but I was living in a second story apartment and I couldn't go down the steps without undoing everything I'd been D like healing. So it was an awful time. I remember thinking, okay, you've kind of been thinking of yourself as an artist, but what happens if you lose your eyesight? Who are you? And I was teaching art at the time, and that became very difficult. And I was like, if you can't do art and you can't teach what happens, what is life? And I had to do a lot of thinking for a while. And what I came to was that even if I was blind, could tell stories I could sculpt and I could still create beautiful pictures in my mind, even if nobody else saw them, I could be a creator for the sake of creating. So that was a really vital piece to unlock. And I started to become [00:39:00] comfortable for the first time of my life with being an artist and committing to the learning of it. It turns out there's a lot of things I can't do anymore because of the eye injury, like running sit ups, driving can be challenging. Talking to more than one person at a time is actually really difficult. Cuz you have to move your eyes in the nature of my injury. That becomes very painful, very fast. but I can stare straight ahead. I can paint. I can do all of the things that help me get my art out into the world. Really. So while like gallery shows are really painful for me, I can show my artwork on my website. I love technology in a way that I didn't appreciate before all this happened and I didn't have those external things. So that was like a really big piece. But I was also in a place where I had this enormous dragon called depression, like really severe suicidal depression because I was tired from type one diabetes. You don't get a break. Ever. And I felt like, like I had been, had the label of the diabetic from the time I was 10 [00:40:00] years old on and it often felt like that's really what I was. I wasn't really an artist. I was the diabetic and diabetes has a way of taking over your life. And I was really struggling with that. And I wanted a vacation for even 24 hours and I was at a place of severe burnout where one more second felt like too much. And it was really driving the depression because it just followed me everywhere. and I also had absolutely no self worth at all. I didn't even know what depression was. I just thought I was sad and I didn't know, it wasn't normal to not wanna live anymore. Like I thought everybody has this stuff. I'm actually really grateful for podcasts because later on in my healing, they helped me understand, oh, okay. That's what depression really is. so I was at this place where I was at a party. I thought everything was gonna be really nice and wonderful and happy. And I thought, you know, I can't get a break from diabetes, but I can be happy for a day. I can get dressed up and I can enjoy this beautiful fall [00:41:00] weather. And it was on this gorgeous lake and it was, it was amazing. It was absolutely beautiful. But because I had this idea that I was going to be happy that day, I was really, really crushed when there was an argument and I was asked to intervene and then I was, basically put down by the person I was trying to help. And then somebody else came in and told me that my help wasn't wanted, I don't do anything right. I don't remember the words. I remember the impression of how I felt. so I ended up finding myself at the end of a dock on that gorgeous lake. And it amazes me how, even in the darkest steps at despair, you know, you could still notice little things like, wow. Kristen: You know, the sun looks like stars on the lake and it smells amazing and yet not wanna be in life anymore. So I'm standing there. I'm trying to figure out how in the world to get myself to drown. And there was only three feet of water. I'm over five feet tall. I know how to swim, but if I could have willed myself to die, I would not be here today. And I had this really new thought for me at the time. And it was, why [00:42:00] am I allowing those people who helped me to feel so small to. Caused me to feel this way to feel like I don't even belong on the planet because alls I do is harm everything I touch because blah, blah, blah. You know, like it just expanded. So I had that idea. I'm like, they wouldn't even attend my funeral. If I had one, they'd be too busy doing all their grand and glorious things. And I realized, oh, well maybe I shouldn't be thinking about what they think of me so much. Maybe what I think of me counts more. And then that unlocked another thought of how do I not feel this way anymore? How do I learn how to want to live? And then later on, how do I learn to live joyfully? But in that moment it was like, how do I learn how to want to live? Because it had, I was in this state of that severe depression for over a decade. So I had forgotten. How to want to live.I didn't even know. it wasn't like my higher self was waiting for those two thoughts to happen. And I had my eyes closed and [00:43:00] it was like all of a sudden, as soon as I thought that, how do I learn how to want to live? I was surrounded by this golden amazing light that was like all of the creativity, all of the love, all of the goodness. And I wish I could remember what she said, cuz it was amazing. And I knew it was my hire self because of the way things felt, even though this, the first time I met her. but I felt so loved. And the essence of what I remember her saying was it's going to be. I had taken a selfie before this experience happened, which I never did at the time. Kristen: I mean, you look at my Instagram feeds and whatnot, and you'll see I've got selfies all over the place. because I consider them an act of self love and self acceptance, but then I hardly was ever in front of the camera because who would want to see me? Who would want a picture of someone like me? So that's selfie. I had kind of like tucked away. I had this experience. I was going to an art studio, like common art studio. And I have ADHD, which I consider one of my superpowers. Cause I have this like amazing focus[00:44:00] have no sense of time, but I can sit there and paint for 12 hours. I go, oh my God, that was fun. so I'm running late. I didn't have anything to draw or paint. And I was like, oh, you know, I'd been kind to working on the series of goddesses. And I wasn't really sure how I felt about them, but. I knew that I didn't wanna draw smiley pictures and I didn't wanna draw flowy, sexy goddesses. I wanted to draw goddesses who felt about the earth, the way I did, who loved it and hated what was going on. So I kind of had that idea and I was like, okay, I don't have anything to draw. I pulled this selfie out. And I was like, okay, fine. You know, this is the thing of being an artist. You don't, you're the nearest Getty big. So when you need somebody to draw, you end up drawing yourself a lot, cuz you're the close to tanties model. So I was like, okay, fine. You know, I'm doing this goddess thing. I guess it's gonna be another one. It doesn't have to look like me. I'm gonna give myself permission to just do whatever feels right. I'm gonna flow with it and I'm just gonna let it unfold and we'll see what happens. So I did. [00:45:00] And then, you know, I was, the drawing was only like half done and I put it away at the end of the session. And next week, the same kind of things happened again. So I ended up with a couple different selfie things. So at this point I was like, oh, I can't get anybody else to pose for me. I'm just gonna have to waste, stop wasting my time, asking people to pose and just draw myself. And I put 'em all away. And I'm still early in this, like, how do I want to live, you know, phase of my healing journey. And, one day I go to pull this artwork out, cuz I, they don't normally have finished. And it was too cold or windy or something. I couldn't do another selfie. So I pulled them out and I looked at the series of drawings I'd done, especially that one from that particular day where I saw my hire self and I just about fell over because I didn't know I had drawn her. I recognized her. and the energy that was in that drawing. And then I looked at the whole series and I'm like, oh my God, what do I have here? So I was like, all right, I'm just gonna go with it. And I'm gonna see what happens and unfolded. And what turns out is I actually drew my first [00:46:00] five higher self portraits and they were, they really opened me up to seeing myself with clarity and love for the first time, because by giving myself permission to follow my intuition and with that new, fresh idea of how do I wanna learn how to live? I could see myself without judgment with a clarity that is an absolute gift, cuz I could look at my light side and my shadow side and say, both of these are good. Both of these are great. I began to understand that a lot of the things I thought were my shadow side, actually. Were my light sided. They were intertwined and it's just the human that's putting the label on it. And I was able to see myself with love. And that really started this journey of reclaiming, who I was loving myself, expanding who I am. And then I thought, well, why don't I do this for other people? This has been so powerful. This literally has changed my life. So that's why I do what I do. Cara: First off, I got chills multiple times during that story. [00:47:00] Second off, thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing with us. That's such an amazing story. And the unfortunate part of making such a huge transformation, especially internally is hitting bottom before you can get back up,it's so hard, but going to that bottom place is like the moment of surrender, because we know we can't climb out ourselves then like we need to ask for help. thank you for asking for help and surrendering to that, because that in itself is so courageous. and I know that, your story can help so many people in that, knowing that,depression and just having that external reliance on people who are not lifting you up,they're ultimately shackling you down. Cara: So you can't step into your power. And it's knowing their perception of you, you're not gonna change that and it's not your job to, and you don't waste your energy on that. It's like, how can you give yourself that [00:48:00] support that love that encouragement. And so having that awareness and taking those steps to do that is so powerful. And that is the journey. The journey is to find out what do you need? How can you give it to yourself? what it comes? Is it the love? I mean, we all need to give ourself love, but how much, how do we do that? And, you know, I had seen something recently.it's not about moving on from this past version of yourself and leaving them in the wind. It's loving them, it's giving them support. It's going back to say you are amazing. You did what you're supposed to do. thanking them for being there because you wouldn't be where you're at today, if you weren't that person before. So that, that whole story is so courageous. And I thank you for sharing that. you're welcome.I wish that I had heard that other people felt the way I did. So that's why I do this. cuz it's not just nice to know. You're not alone in a lot of ways. I think it's essential for our healing to know that you don't [00:49:00] have to blaze this path on your own. And I also would like to express that healing is a journey. Kristen: It's a process. It doesn't happen overnight. You know, like when I had those moments, I did have some. Deep instant healing, but it really opened up the way for all of the things I had to work on. And it's taken years. And even now like talking about higher cell portraits, it is so close to my heart. And yet, sometimes I have a lot of fear talking about them because it's so unknown, it's so different. And it's a practice continually of self-acceptance and self love and self love. it's not just the caring for yourself, you know, like the, the delightful things we were talking about earlier, like, like the candles and the tea and the chocolate and massages and things like that. That is wonderful self care. But self love is that and joy in who you are. All of the thing. And I would never have believed it in the [00:50:00] past, but now I can say I am grateful for diabetes because I have had to learn to be within myself and full of myself in the best possible way that a lot of people don't have to learn where I was given the gift of learning that wisdom. And yes, that does not mean that I'm like, yay, joy. My blood sugar is still, or my blood sugar is high. It's more like a, okay. this is an illness of balance and I didn't do anything wrong to get this illness. I didn't do anything wrong as a three year old to get that eye injury. And I didn't do anything wrong to have ADHD and all the other hosts of things I have. Those are just like the big players. But really, it becomes a question of what did I do, right. To be given this gift of, shall we say divine encouragement to grow and expand. And it doesn't matter if I have these, the rest of my life, you know, like I've heard in the spiritual community a lot. And it makes me angry every time that it is the fault of the [00:51:00] person who has the illness for having it because they did something wrong. And that just makes me shake my head and then wanna go grab a field hockey stick and a field hockey ball and go whack it a couple times, maybe a lot. because a lot of this stuff, you know, people are today, not because they did anything wrong, but because we are on this journey of rapid expansion and growth as a species and these illnesses. Our way to help us do that in a way that we would not have survived long enough to do in the past. It's incredible actually, this gift that is modern medicine for all of its faults, we have the joy of both modern medicine. Like for me, insulin, amazing people with type one diabetes died before 1920 was a death sentence. And even now like supply chain disruptions, I only have as long as my insulin supply lasts. And that could be a really like, Ugh thought. But on the other hand, I have been given the gift. I have my 30th [00:52:00] diabetes anniversary this summer of having had the time to grow and expand in this way that maybe I wasn't grateful for, you know, when I have times of depression, but now I can say, okay, you know, I can. I can do these things. And if I lose my eyesight tomorrow, yeah. I'll have a hard time coping. It will be tough, but I will also have had the joy of bringing each painting that I've brought into existence so far. And the wonder of knowing, like, I didn't know that I channel higher creativity and energy and like divine love into every artwork I create because I surrender and that's been really wonderful to discover and unfold and that by following my intuition, you know, like sometimes the portrait, they do not look like the person I'm drawing because I'm drawing what their higher self needs them to understand right now in this lifetime. And that their soul is helping me do that to be the channel between them and the higher self and the artwork I'm [00:53:00] creating. It's amazing. And it's this wonderful, wonderful gift. So for everyone, who's, you know, out there dealing with hard things, I am giving you an enormous hug. You know, when things get really tough and you, you want to cry, allow yourself to cry. And when you're angry, allow yourself to get angry, have a good anger Fest for 10, 15 minutes. And then once, you know, you've let that anger kind of go through and process a bit, start to dig down, what's underneath the anger and then surrender to taking action at what's at the root of that anger. So maybe you're angry that nobody in your neighborhood can recycle go find a recycling program. Cara: Maybe you're angry that the recycling system is broken. You can do something about that, It's self-power. And that that's really a wonderful gift we've given, given and been given now as a species, self empowerments. Well, I love all that.I always say that, the tough times in my life previously, it felt like they were happening [00:54:00] to me. And when I had the awakening of they were happening for me and what is the lesson? Once I realized maybe the steps or what I needed to embody or how I needed to step forward, you know, I was able to go through the lesson in a way that was empowering versus getting stuck in the lesson and then not being able to figure out how to come out on the other side. And when you get stuck, it's like this lesson, the storm is pushing you in the opposite direction. But if you go in and you say, this is hard, I see it. I'm going to figure out how I can learn from it and empower myself from it. it's a different beast. a hard one because it starts with your mindset. And like you were saying before, like a lot of yourself journey was a mindset thing. You know, being able to tell yourself, like you love yourself and you are amazing person and, that is empowering, but you know, how can you learn? And if, if a lesson [00:55:00] keeps coming through, you know, if you keep doing the same thing, you'll probably end up with the same result. So sometimes you have to get a little bit uncomfortable to kind of pass through the lesson in a way that is, achievable in a way for you. Kristen: Yeah, healing's a funny thing. So sometimes to help this heal the universe, It does like a, I call it the messy room clean out. So, you know, when a space really needs to be cleaned and you take everything apart and you put it in another room and well, the universe does that to our lives. It could feel like our lives fall apart and one bad thing after another keeps happening. And you're like, but I'm doing the healing work. Why is things should be getting better? Why is this happening? It's because the universe is helping us to clean out our room and say, what no longer has a place here. What needs some TLC, what needs to be fixed and what new things need to be brought in. And then you can go about setting up your room or setting up your life in a different way than you [00:56:00] would've. If you had just kept trying to work around the things in the room or whatever's going on in your life, when our lives fall apart, I'm learning. It is actually another one of those gifts that you curse at the time and then are grateful for later Cara: Yes, definitely. There's, there's so much wisdom when shit's flying our way. as easy as that, I guess it's like, what is it? Okay. I would love to know about the seven affirmations to help you love who you are and how listeners can find that, that, option. Kristen: oh, absolutely. So these have been really fun. so there are a set of beautiful wallpapers, one's for your phone one's for your computer, because healing is a process. It's a journey. So. The idea is we look at our computers a lot. We look at our phones a lot and it helps the affirmations sink in, you know, you know, absorbing it like a sponge, I guess. so there's one for each day of the week and they're meant to be in a cycle. And, that, cycle's pretty cool cuz you know, you can [00:57:00] work through 'em, you know, once a week you could change 'em out or once a day you could change 'em out. And then once a week you could change 'em out. or you can just have one a month, whatever feels right for you. Kristen: And they're on a background of art and it's kind of cool cuz I take like snapshots of art while they're like they're in the process and I get these really beautiful fleeting passages and I thought, oh, it's a shame. Nobody gets to see these. And I like, oh I can put the, put it on these. So like you have the affirmations on these really passages of artwork that I really like. and they have the energy of the artwork they were, they come from, which is really nice. And, then as I was working on them, creating 'em, I started getting downloads about what would be helpful for using the affirmations. So you get an affirmation a day for seven days and what the universe wants you to know to help you be able to use these affirmations. Kristen: So they're really cool. so you can find 'em at my website, radianceandgrit.com/love. Cara: Awesome. That sounds beautiful. I would also love, for you to tell the listeners what all your offerings are and how they can connect with [00:58:00] you. Kristen: Okay. radiance and grit.com is like the hub for everything I do. so you can find out about the portraits I paint. So I do three different types of higher self portraits. So one are portraits of radiance. So that's when you need to see your inner lights, they help you really connect with your higher self. I love all of them. They're all my favorites. so those are portrait of radiance and then portraits of grit are more when you need to see your inner strength, your fierceness, your resilience, so that you can bring your dreams to life because we can be like, I love the portrait of radiance, but in some ways the portraits of grit are even more helpful, you know, cuz they're or we get kind of programmed out of accessing our inner strength. These help you connect with that again. and then the portraits of inner light, these are so fun. So I basically paint the energy of you and it comes out is these stars and galaxies and beautiful colors and everyone is totally different. And so if you're not like I really don't, I'm not at a stage where I'm ready to look at myself or something [00:59:00] that looks kind of like me, the portraits of inner light are perfect for that. And then I'm just starting to do something very new and very fun. and there are astrological portraits. So I take a look at your natal chart and then I channel on it and I draw and paint your chart, the sky. And there's always something that your chart wants you to express more or to know more. And that's what the astrological ports do. They help you connect with the energy of you. Cara: All those things sound absolutely amazing. I can't wait to go on your site and look at all that I really appreciate you coming on today and I will make sure that all your links are in this show notes and this conversation fed my soul and I loved having you. Thank you so much for coming on here. Kristen: it's been a delight. I'm so glad. Thank you. Cara: Yes. Thank you. We'll chat soon. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If this was your first time. Welcome. And if you've joined me for [01:00:00] previous episodes, thank you so much for coming back. Before you go, make sure you share my podcast with a friend or subscribe. If you haven't Those few seconds make a big impact on my podcast and I'd be grateful for the support. Talking with Kristen is so inspiring to know. On what she's gone through and how she has channeled her higher self to live a life of purpose. I encourage you to check out her inspiring art. She offers portraits of radiance for helping you see the beauty and wonder of who you are. Portraits of grit for helping you recognize and get in touch with your inner strength. And resilience. She has portraits of inner light for helping you see and understand your unique soul. Energy. And lastly, she has portraits of Starlight helping you see and channel your NA. Natal astrological energy for this lifetime. She can also channel on which option is best for you. To create a flowing energy. For your higher self portrait. All are wonderful, beautiful, and specific to each person. Their soul and their higher self. If you wanna find out how to [01:01:00] connect with Kristin. Check the show notes visit. Radiance and grit.com. All the links mentioned and show notes will be we'll chat soon.