I've always thought of mapping out and planning events as productive planning and being in the moment. It wasn't until the last year did I realize my “over” planning took me out of the present moment and put my expectations way too high since I'd overthink it. There is a difference between planning for productivity and just planning to feel in control.
Productive planning is a strategic thought process, which allows you to be fully in the moments around it
In February 2020, I did a meditation that asked me to imagine my dream day. Not in a luxury vacation way, but how I wanted to spend my ordinary days. It was peculiar because it was me at home with my kids. At that time, I was working, and stopping my career of 19 years wasn't ever something I considered. Normally productive planning would include saving money to prepare for staying home even to be considered, but sometimes life works in ways we don't expect.
I have always been a planner. Most of the time, I blamed it on my job since so many of my clients booked their appointments months in advance. Once covid hit and I had to reschedule my clients, it made my anxiety rise. Then I had to reschedule everyone again. I had people contacting me non-stop. It was flattering and overwhelming at the same time. Once I realized I had no control over the situation, the anxiety began to slip away.
Once May hit, I felt I could breathe for the first time in a long time. I lived my days of summer 2020 being productive yet enjoying the moment. It was the first time in 19 years I didn't have my day scheduled to the minute. I deleted most social media platforms and just focused on myself and my family. I decided that to bring the best in myself is not to let everyone else's expectations of my life even be on my radar. Thinking about the past can lead to depression, and worrying about the future can bring anxiety.
This is when my life indeed became mine to live because I started productive planning and being in the moment
During the summer of 2020, I was in a routine that made me feel amazing. Then, finally, it hit me that this was my exact vision in my meditation. It was such a surreal experience. It still took me a couple of months to commit to the idea of not returning to work, but I knew deep down at that moment what I truly wanted in life at this time.
I had always been accomodating to everyone else, leaving myself last. I always thought since I try to be considerate of others, they would have the same courtesy. It is not their job to set boundaries for me; that's up to me to do. I'm not sure why it took so long to realize that most people aren't wired that way. I often had my feelings hurt or was downright angry at the lack of consideration for my family and myself. But, again, it wasn't their fault; my expectations were too high.
I expected people to respect my boundaries even though I had none in place
Understanding the way I think versus how others think was a hard lesson to learn, but I am so thankful for this lesson. I have allowed myself to live my life around what works best for myself and my family. I don't believe in it as being selfish anymore. It is a standard quality of life now, and I don't care what people think when I set a boundary that keeps my mindset healthy. When I would bend my life to accommodate others, I would resent them. No one wins in that scenario.
The two years before leaving my job were very tough for me. I think I was waiting for friends and family to throw me a life preserver, but they were all so caught up in their own lives they failed to notice me. Some people saw, but what I needed, they didn't know how to give. I kept laughing it off when things got tough and didn't let the desperation show. But, again, I can't blame anyone since I didn't ask for help. I was expecting them to show up to the party when I didn't send an invite.
I was in a constant state of planning to try to gain control but it left me overwhelmed
Life isn't tit for tat. Just because I did something to support someone else doesn't mean they want that type of support, and it certainly doesn't mean they owe it to me. Sometimes we are in a position where we can help, and other times we are just doing our best. But, if we are in a place where we can make someone smile, that might be all someone needs.
While so many situations caused such a rough couple of years, the lack of boundaries and the constant sprint in life pushed me under. I was in a vortex of pleasing everyone else that I never sat and listened to what I needed. How would anyone know how they could help when I wasn't even listening to what I needed?
So many moments in the last year have been light bulb moments. It took a mandatory shutdown to realize my constant planning was a coping mechanism. Never really living in the moment. Never really enjoying the small things around me. My goals have changed. My outlook on life has completely changed.
I went from an over-planner to finding a flow in productive planning that brings out the best in my abilities to be in the present moment
The difference in productive planning is that I have goals, to-do lists like before, but it's about productivity, tracking, and reflection to be the best version of myself. I don't commit to something until I know I am ready for it, versus over-committing, which leads to burnout (check my post about it here). I am writing my instruction manual to enjoy life as it comes instead of the life I thought I planned. One thing is for sure; tomorrow is never a guarantee.
So I'm here to tell you to stop planning every moment but move forward in productive planning that feels good to you. You have nothing to prove to anyone. You only have an obligation to show up for yourself, and the rest will follow. So take a few moments to sit and honor yourself for showing up today; you are amazing!
With Gratitude,
Cara