Why Focusing on Yourself isn’t Always Selfish | #6

NOTE: This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool. Please forgive any typos or errors. Selfish [00:00:00] Cara: Today's episode is an honor of me being an Aries sun. As an Aries we've been known to be selfish. And so I thought in honor of my birthday, this topic would be a perfect fit. I'm going to break down self-care self-love self- investment, other known as self-development . Self-reflection self-awareness and just honoring who we are. I had an experience that was triggered by the perception others have of me. I realized it's not my job to change their perception of me being selfish. I know that my intention was full of love, and I know other people don't see me in that. It's okay. That we process emotions and the best way we feel we can support ourselves and others, it shined a light on their doubts about my vision. It really hurt my ego at first, but again, I realize I don't need their approval to follow my dreams. It's just shines a light where to share my dreams. And if it doesn't feel like a safe space, then it's my choice to protect my. So my point of the episode is when we work on ourselves and find that love within it won't matter what other [00:01:00] people's perception is of me, or you there'll be times that it's still hard, but it gets easier to move on from it. I know the truest form of healing takes self-care and self-love, I know it doesn't fix everything, but it does connect us with our bodies in the process. I understand that people need to do that when the time is right for them. But if that triggers a response from someone that has their own lesson to work on, I want to bring light to the concept of the self and how we can nurture that for the best version. So we can heal all those experiences we've stored inside our body. I do realize that certain people can not hear what I have to say. And that means there is more room for my messages to help the ones who are open to hearing. I have let the expectation of proving myself fall behind because that is not the goal. And my purpose everyone's journey to themself is different. And I want to share the ways that I fall in love with who I am in ways that others have done the same as always takes what speaks to you. Leave what doesn't enjoy the episode. [00:02:00] Welcome to the selfish episode today, we are breaking down self-love self-care self investment self-reflection and self-awareness, and just honoring who we are. I'm going to start with self-love because this was one of the main lessons I needed to learn. I let the perception of others define me. [00:03:00] Most of my. When you're attaching to their idea of you, it puts you in a box that really doesn't serve you. It is not up to us to change their perception. It is up to us to honor how we best thrive. And if their perception is something different than we feel they're allowed to have that perception, if we're attached to what their perception is, that means we are allowing their perception into who we are. So to start with self-love is hard because most of us have been taught. We aren't good enough. Whether it's the picture painted on social media comments that a woman's body image or any self-sabotaging comments that put ourselves down Saying things that put our body image down, doesn't help ourself love image for me to take this journey inward without the projection of others, I had to retract from social media relationships and anything that might allow my worth to be defined by someone else's perception. When I had lost a bunch of weight, people commented on it and it drove this unhealthy pressure. I put on myself for me to be seen. I had to be. But once [00:04:00] I realized that my weight didn't reflect my inner love for myself, I had to reflect inward. I had to build a relationship with my self-love. I had to start from scratch. I had to try new things, reflect on how they made me feel. I had to get out of my comfort zone. Sometimes the most uncomfortable practices were the most healing. I found that things that I. Wanted to do as a child, let me feel and be seen in a way that felt good. So think about the things that really excited you as a child, and maybe focus on those for some ways to put self love into your daily life. A book that's been very helpful and the idea of this self. Image is mirror work by Louis Hayes. She has a book that walks you through 21 days of telling yourself things that you need to hear into the mirror and meditations that help you go through it and journaling exercises. It's a great way to implement self-love into your daily life without having to spend a lot of time on it. It just takes a few minutes each [00:05:00] day. It's also been using tools like human design astrology, and using my cycle. It's about learning who I am and honoring what has helped me to use those tools as a way to grow self love is showing up on the really hard days to give yourself love. Instead of numbing behaviors like scrolling, Bingy non TV and food. Self care is next. It took a pandemic for me to better understand what that really is. Self care should be a daily practice for everyone. It is caring for your body. It is understanding that if you are a woman and your cycle is a part of who you are, that should be taken into your life and your planning. It should not be a monthly massage or an excuse to overwork and then go to the spa. It can be waking up a few minutes early to stretch journal or even meditate. It can be clearing your energy before each meeting or client. It could be eating nourishing foods. It isn't putting pressure to do intense workouts every day. As women we aren't meant to do hit or cycling every [00:06:00] day. It actually can disrupt your metabolism, your hormones, and your blood sugar, putting pressure to show up and do things can add a stress response that numbs out the actual feelings of your emotions. Moving your body everyday is self care, but you have to take in an honor, your body's ebbs and flows without the strict rules. Self care is also getting out of your head and into your body. It has taken a lot of practice of meditating, being creative with painting and drawing, even dancing and walking in nature for me to actually achieve this. Anything that allows me to be in the moment. I love journaling, but sometimes it doesn't allow the actual practice of getting out of my head. This may be different for you, but I find that moving my body and really feeling every step that I'm taking really helps me get within my body. So some ways to bring more self-love and self-care into your life can be journaling, meditation, prayer, asking for help, light yoga. Mapping setting boundaries, affirmations, [00:07:00] a bath, a face mask, a massage alone time setting intentions, reading a book, dreaming big, getting outside of your comfort zone, writing, painting, sculpting, drawing. Honor. What feels good to you? That could be dancing, singing, being in nature, finding adventure, exploring, expressing your feelings, celebrating yourself, get sweating in a sauna and cycle planning. All ways that you can implement this more into your life. Next step is self investment. Other known as self development. This has been a huge catalyst and finding who I am while building my business, how we find development is very specific to each person. For me, I love books, podcasts, courses, and anything that will teach me knowledge in a way that I understand. I really had a hard time absorbing information and the traditional school setting, I honestly felt dumb most of the time. I had done a post-secondary option in high school, which led me go to a community college. My senior year, after that experience, it was clear that [00:08:00] college was not meant for me. I think I may be on the spectrum of being a neurodivergent I'm not diagnosed, but the more I learn on the subject, the more I feel understood on the way I process information. It has been a huge catalyst to know that I'm not alone and it's okay to find what works for me. I think the more I find what speaks to me, the more empowered I feel in the process I've used human design astrology in my cycle as tools to learn who I am. We all have strengths and weaknesses, but being able to identify that we were built a certain way and can use it for our advantage instead of falling victim to it. It's really about investing in yourself. And that could be the best thing for you in those around you. Some ways you can add self investment and self-development are podcasts books, and course for growth reflection, goal setting, setting, intentions, getting physical, nourishing your body planning for your cycle. Avoiding junk foods, meditation, journaling, a media detox, decluttering giving [00:09:00] space for your desire. Networking one-on-one time with those. You love make a dream board, refine your skills, try something new, adding healthy habits and letting go. What doesn't serve you such as behaviors, relationships, habits, excuses, and patterns. Self-reflection is exactly as it sounds, it's reflecting on how things make you feel. You don't have to quit your job if it isn't speaking to your soul, but you should find those daily or weekly ways that connect with those feelings that you want to cultivate. It could be gardening, painting, or even writing a book. If your job is stealing all the joy out of your life, then it may be time to invest in what makes you feel good. And if you ever feel ready to take that, jump into something new, then be proud. Reflection is for you to learn from. You have to give time and space for that to come through, though, it can be meditation without words, it can be a quiet walk or journaling. You have to find the way that feels best to reflect. I think more people [00:10:00] would get to a place of joy and less burnout. If they allowed time for reflection to come in and really see what is giving them energy and what is draining their energy. Self-awareness takes being vulnerable with yourself. It's a hard practice for most of us. It has a bit of self-reflection in it, but it also has the peace of being accountable for our reactions and actions, realizing the parts we played and the end result. Good and bad. It's realizing we need to celebrate our accomplishments, but acknowledging how we can do better for. If there is a repeating lesson that keeps coming up in your life, how can you take a step back and see how to shift out of this cycle? Admitting we're wrong can really be hard, but there are usually three sides to a story being right. Does it make you a winner? It just takes awareness on all parts to come to a place of growth versus repeating the same cycle. Cara: So let's recap all the ways being selfish means there's growth within. Self-love is the way we can love ourselves. Think [00:11:00] affirmations, how we talk about ourselves. And not allowing the outside influences to define how we're supposed to be. Next we have self care. It's caring for yourself on a daily basis and not waiting until you're at capacity. It's moving and feeding our bodies in a way that's nourishing. It's also not binging on TV and food. To numb ourselves. We can have our moments where that's welcomed, but finding your way to care for yourselves in a healthy way should be Cara: first. Next we have self investment, otherwise known as self-development. It is finding how we best learn for growth courses, podcasts, books, and working on our goals are always to invest in yourself. Find a way that leaves you yearning for more. Self-reflection is very important, especially when setting goals. If a project ends up depleting your energy. Then you could possibly be on your way to burnout. So adding activities that bring you joy can help bring your energy back. Having a chance to reflect while in the process can bring so much insight. Into where you can pivot for your best interest. And lastly [00:12:00] self-awareness. It's being vulnerable with yourself, allowing your emotions to come through. Allows you to process them, it's celebrating your successes because that is an important part of how you attract more of your definition of success. It's also keeping us accountable for our actions and reactions to bring a place of growth. So in conclusion, if you can find time for your selfishness to come through, then be proud. It means you are allowing space for growth in your life. If someone calls me selfish, I take pride that I can take time for myself to be a better person. If they don't see it that way, then it's not my job to change their perception. I finally come to a point where I'm accepting of who I am and my goal is to not take offense when my character is put down, this is me. And if you don't like it, then keep on moving. Thanks for joining me today. And until next time, my friend. Thank you so much for joining me this week. If this was your first time. Welcome. And if you've been here for a bit, thank you so much for coming back. To view the complete show notes and all the links [00:13:00] mentioned in today's episode. Visit caradempsey.com/6. And before you go, make sure you subscribe to the podcast to receive new episodes, right. When they are released. And if you're enjoying the podcast, I'd love to ask you to leave a review. Those few seconds make a big impact on my podcast. And I would be so grateful for the support. I've created a free self-love and self investment printable for you to keep track of all the ways to care and invest in yourself. Find the link in the show notes caradempsey.com/6 . Thank you again for joining me in this episode of Floductivity. We'll chat soon. My friend.