Why You’re Waiting To Be Magnetic: The Human Design Projector with Hayley Finamore

NOTE: This podcast was transcribed by an AI tool. Please forgive any typos or errors. Hayley Interview === [00:00:00] this episode, I chat with Hayley Finamore. I found her through Radian coaches academy. That we're both in. I wanted to help guide her to use her cycle in her home and work life. We also dive into human design. And her being a projector waiting to be invited and her emotional authority so stay tuned and i will see you on the other side [00:00:19] Cara: welcome to floductivity, a place to inspire and empower beings to embrace self-love and self-development for an achievable balance of productivity. I share different ways to come back to your intuition through spirituality, self care, human design, cycle planning, wellness, and everything in between. [00:00:38] Cara: Thank you so much for joining me this week. If this is your first time. Welcome. And if you've been here with me before. Thank you so much for coming back. I'm so excited to join you in this journey. As we learn together. [00:00:52] Cara: Hi Haley. Welcome to the show. [00:00:53] Hayley: Hi. Thanks for having. [00:00:55] Cara: I have Haley on from a coaching program called Radiant [00:01:00] Coaches and we connected and I was talking about using the different modalities of human design, astrology and cycle vitality. she was all for diving in to how we can kind of figure. Her gifts and let them shine so that she can help coach other people from her best version. [00:01:21] Cara: I always like to start off asking, what's your favorite self care practices that, are in your life right now? [00:01:30] Hayley: Sure. So. Meditation For sure. my mind, I feel like there's 20 voices going off at the same time. So I really like the idea of, I kind of call it magnetic mindset, where I kind of visualize all the versions of myself and all these different thoughts that are, you know, in the future, in the past, or. Coming back to my present self and being still in the moment with all of the other versions of myself that are happening at the same time, it kind of quiets me and slows me down [00:01:59] Cara: [00:02:00] Definitely. I feel like that's a common occurrence with a lot of women. Like we have all the tabs open and the only way we can close out those tabs is if we like close out the world and like sit in that silence. But sometimes it's so hard to really. Get there, especially, you know, when we have families or kids or jobs or clients, like all those things kind of jump on in. [00:02:21] Cara: So I'm glad that you have that. I love meditation. I can't say that I'm always good about it, but I do make sure. That I connect with myself daily. So good for you for doing that. And I always like to mention to anyone getting started with meditation, you can start with just like two minutes. You don't have to like meditate for hours a day. [00:02:42] Cara: I mean, I find just taking a minute here or there to kind of energetically reset myself can do wonders, especially with small children. [00:02:51] Hayley: I found too that visualizing helps me a lot because I'm so busy inside of my head that having somebody tell me what to focus on helps [00:03:00] me tremendously. [00:03:00] Cara: Yeah. There's so many different types of meditations and it really depends where I'm at in my world. If I want a guided one, if I want music, if I want to walk and meditate, you know, like there's just so many ways to bring it into your life. It's such a powerful thing, I can guarantee that the majority of. [00:03:18] Cara: Highly successful people who aren't overwhelmed and in their life have at least meditation or journaling somewhere in their practice. [00:03:27] Hayley: Yep. And journaling. I need to be better about that one, but that's definitely one. I always know when I'm overwhelmed if I'm like, I don't feel like journaling. Cause it's like I'm afraid to see what comes out. [00:03:37] Cara: Yes. Yeah, it's like opening the flood gates, [00:03:40] Hayley: Mm-hmm. [00:03:41] Cara: what's about to happen? So I'm the same way but like pretty much anything I do comes in waves. I just really try to make sure that I do something so that I'm not ignoring my inner self. And I feel like meditation journaling really connects with yourself. [00:03:57] Cara: So, yay. [00:03:57] Hayley: Yep. [00:03:57] Cara: So I'm gonna jump [00:04:00] in to just using Cycle Vitality in your work in home life. And I know some people track, some people don't. And it's something that I don't want it to overwhelm people cuz there's so much to it. And for me, I'm the kind of person. Like when I dive into something, I wanna know all angles of it. [00:04:19] so I always try to keep that in mind. And so really all I ask when I ask people to understand cycle vitality is use the menstrual cycle or use the moon cycle. See what one resonates with you because you can use either. Man, woman, However, it gives you kind of a guide point. I thought of analogy of like you're on a road trip and you just, you have an end goal where you wanna go, but you don't really care the path it takes you. [00:04:46] Cara: If you get to a point where you're like, I don't know what direction I'm supposed to be going in your cycle. Or using the cycle is like that map where you can reference and say, Oh, yes, I'm on track. Let me continue going. And it strengthens [00:05:00] your intuition. At least it did for me. [00:05:02] Cara: it really allowed my cycle to match up with my emotions and how I'm feeling. And so, I had asked in the form that you filled out specific questions that you probably didn't know were related to cycle vitality. And so two of the things that you had answered was kind of confidence, collaboration, manifesting and following through. [00:05:24] Cara: And that is in correlation with either the ovulation phase or the full. And so to know that unfortunately, that time period out of the all the cycles is the shortest. I mean, the full moon can have effects over a week. It, it just depends on how strong the moon is. But, I find I do the most work in that phase. [00:05:48] Cara: And so for me, using my cycle, it's knowing when that's coming and utilizing that power. So to kind of break it down for you is the first day of [00:06:00] your cycle is, The first day of your bleed, and that can last four to seven days. And then the next part is the spring or the follicular, and then comes that summer ovulation full moon cycle, and it can start pretty much anywhere from day 13 of your cycle to day 20. [00:06:24] Cara: going off at the top of my head, so to know when that's coming up. It's like talking about it in a cycle is, it's hard because the spring phase is technically the first phase, but, I actually have a. Cycle vitality challenge coming up and it actually starting with the fourth phase, which is winter re menstruation. So even though winter menstruation is the fourth phase, it starts on day number one of your cycle. And I think that confuses people. But you start out with the New Moon and. [00:06:54] Cara: Kind of reflect you. Think about like where you've been, and then how you can kind of pivot [00:07:00] going forward. And then the spring ovulation first quarter is when you plan summer collaboration, confidence, all that is. When you do all the things. So I think that is, so many people get overwhelmed because they're like, ovulation really only lasts three to four days. [00:07:16] Cara: But if you know that ahead of time, you really can utilize that time and so know that if you have to show up in a way that makes you more vulnerable, doing that in your ovulation or around the full moon. is the best time to do that. You have that confidence. That's when you wanna network, that's when you wanna collaborate. [00:07:36] Cara: That's when you wanna kind of step outta your comfort zone. And so knowing when that falls in your cycle, and I can't tell you when that is, because we're all different. And I think that's the downside of using apps. is, it tells you these things, but the whole point of, for me, empowering people to use their cycle is you need to figure out when that is. [00:07:57] Cara: You can use apps to give you kind [00:07:59] Hayley: [00:08:00] Right, the self-awareness. [00:08:01] Cara: you can use apps to help you figure out what days you're on or however that that works best for you, but it's at self-awareness, so I would just be aware of that and use that time the next. Phase of that is that luteal. It's that last quarter, fall phase, and that's kind of wrapping everything up. [00:08:21] Cara: But then the next thing that you had clicked was that reflection, that resting, trusting your instincts, analyzing that is when you are in your menstruation phase, your winter phase and new Moon. And so. I would encourage you to make time to rest, reflect, take everything down a notch depending on how long your cycle is. [00:08:46] Cara: Mine is longer, so I would, I start my resting reflection inward. I bring all the projects down. I make sure that everybody around me know. That I'm not cooking as much. I'm not [00:09:00] cleaning as much. I am very productive in my other phases, only because I can rest during this time. And so I would say for me, since my cycle's around 31 to 34 days, depending around day, 27, 28 is when kind of bring it in. [00:09:17] Cara: My body tells me it's like you're tired, slow down. And before I used to say, my period's not here yet. Slow down. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not listening to you. I'll slow down when my period would come. And when I started to listen for those signs to slow down before I wasn't as depleted during my period. [00:09:36] Cara: [00:09:36] Cara: I think it's one of those is like, so many people are stuck in that hustle mentality, and so it's like I can't rest until X, Y, and z. I have to finish this between X, Y, and Z. And so it's setting those boundaries with yourself and then honoring it. [00:09:50] Cara: FIX [00:09:51] Hayley: [00:09:51] Hayley: Totally. I resonate with that because as I'm starting to become more aware, right? Today is my first day of my cycle. But the past week I have not [00:10:00] wanted to do anything like laundry dishes. Parenting. It's like, who has time for this? [00:10:05] Hayley: I wanna sleep. So I definitely feel that I need to be more aware of, of not being so hard on myself for that week and like recognizing that it's purpose, right? What it's supposed to be doing is telling you to relax and reset. So you do have energy for the rest of the. [00:10:20] Cara: And when you do that, you will be more productive in the times. That you're supposed to be productive. And I will tell you that my intuition has gone through the roof when I listen to that because my body's saying, Good for you for listening now, now that you've listened to what your body's saying, it's going to communicate those things that like, I'll catch myself like mind loop in bed, like how do I fix this? [00:10:45] Cara: What do I do with this? And like turning that down. And it's been so empowering that like I don't have to ask those questions. I kind of lean in and say, Okay universe, if I need to know this, give me the answer. And then come. I mean, I [00:11:00] tell my kids they're young and I just say like, We're not doing as much this time. [00:11:04] Hayley: We're ordering pizza tonight, [00:11:05] Cara: Yes. And I even say to my husband, like, I know the meals that he can cook, and I make sure that that stuff that we need, we have it before. I'm trying not to go to the grocery store. I try to do all the cleaning ahead of time so that I don't feel like I have to clean to keep up with the housework. [00:11:22] Cara: So it's just making those little micro shifts and being aware of it [00:11:25] Hayley: Right. I think being aware of it is key because at the beginning of that week, you're like, Why the F am I like this right now? Why do I not have any energy? Why do I need to feel like I need three cups of coffee today? [00:11:36] Cara: Lean into it. I'm telling you, when you lean into it and you kind of co-create with the universe, the universe is saying like, rest, because I'm about to give you so much insight and inspiration so you can hit the ground running when your spring phase comes, you can start planning, you can start thinking about those things and stuff like that. [00:11:54] Cara: So that's just kind of my little insight with those things that you checked off, and how that [00:12:00] correlates to your cycle and use it. One of the questions I always had in this whole cycle mindset was, well, what if my menstrual cycle, my moon and the moon cycle, , mesh and mine never does because my cycle's longer. [00:12:13] Cara: There's never an opportunity. There's every so often there's an opportunity for it to align a little bit. And again, it's just a guidepost for you to say like, Hmm, why am I so tired today? Is it because you know, my winter season's about to start? Or is it because a new moon's coming? You know? So it just kind of gives you an idea where you can look and say, Ooh, Maybe I can plan a little bit better so that I'm not overwhelmed with all the things that I have to do. [00:12:39] Hayley: Exactly. [00:12:40] Cara: Do you have any sort of, background with astrology or human design? [00:12:44] I've read about the, like the main. Titles of human design. Right. And I, I, I feel like, a mutual friend of ours does said this the other day where she's like, I'm not an expert in anything, but I'm, I know a few things about everything and like, I'm kind of the same way. So like, I know a little bit about all of it, [00:13:00] but like not an expert. [00:13:01] Hayley: I learned this recently in the past six months or so, I grew up, I'm a Sagittarius sun sign Sagittarius, right? And I'd read the horoscopes for Sagittarius my whole life and I'm like, that doesn't make sense. Like I don't feel, that's not me. [00:13:14] Hayley: That doesn't sound like me. And it wasn't until I learned about, the rising sign your moon sign that I was. Oh, I'm Pisces. I'm totally Pisces. So when I read horoscopes or look into my chart or anything, I'm definitely paying attention more to my moon and my rising sign more than I'm paying attention to the sun [00:13:32] Cara: Yeah, a hundred percent. I think my moon sign was one of those was like, Oh, okay. That's why So I feel you on that. All right. So I always feel like I attract the projectors Which is great because I need someone to kind of reflect to me when I need to [00:13:52] Hayley: Hmm. [00:13:52] Cara: So you are a projector or coordinator, and for you to really step into your [00:14:00] power, you need to have that recognition and then be included. [00:14:04] Cara: And I think knowing so many projectors, I feel like a, a wound. For projectors is like always wanting to be included Like if you push yourself on someone, you ultimately might repel that person. And I think that actually came up in the call last night when you're like, I want, you know, this person to deal with this. [00:14:22] Cara: And they're just not into it. And so sometimes it's waiting for that invitation, but. Planting that seed so that when they're ready and open for it, you then can go for it. So that's kind of how I take it, is you're welcome to plant that seed in a way that might resonate with that person. But don't take offense if they're not gonna jump onto it, because they'll be a time where they. [00:14:47] Cara: Be ready for it. And so you are just ultimately meant to be waiting in the wings, waiting to be invited. And you yearn to be included and recognize for your accomplishments. And you were born to [00:15:00] use your gifts from a position of appreciation. So knowing that . You will get so much satisfaction when you are recognized for what you're doing versus like pushing it and then someone saying, yeah, I'll see about that. [00:15:15] Cara: Does that, does that make sense? [00:15:17] Hayley: Yes. And, and pushing it onto people. Doesn't feel authentic because I'm like, Okay, are you inviting me now? Because I pushed it. It's, and even within my family, if, if I ask them to go do something and they just go because I want to, I hate it. Like, that's anti what I wanna do. So that totally resonates. [00:15:35] Hayley: It's just like, just include me with what you want to. [00:15:38] Cara: That's a big reason why I started my podcast is because I feel like a lot of these modalities I come across in these people I meet in this process will help so many people, but I need it to be in a place where it's like evergreen, so that when someone is ready, it's there. [00:15:53] Cara: And so that would just be my suggestion for you to think about is how can you put out the things that you're [00:16:00] passionate about in a way that's not directed specifically at one person, but a way that when they're ready, they'll be, they'll invite you in to hear more about it. So whether that's social media or a website or however you want to have a place. [00:16:14] Cara: That's a really good way to harness that projector energy is have that information somewhere so that they can find you when they're ready. [00:16:22] Hayley: Got it. Okay. [00:16:24] Cara: Another aspect of a projector is when you see yourself feeling bitter and be, or like even having that comparison, that means You're resisting how you are ultimately designed, and so it can feel more challenging. It can maybe leave you resentful, but knowing that bitterness and be in comparison or just that guidepost for you to kind of take a step back and say, Okay, let me harness my design and see how I can. [00:16:56] Cara: Flip this. this is called your not self theme. So when you're not [00:17:00] being the self that you're supposed to be, mine's different. But I will say that any time I see someone having something that I want, It's taken some mindset work, so it's not like I woke up one day with this. I look at it as if they have it, I can have it too. [00:17:16] Cara: It's like that breadcrumb to say, Ooh, I'm gonna keep working towards that. Instead of being resentful that they already have it, I'm gonna watch them. To see how I can get that. And so changing that mindset to say, Ooh, okay, I see that. I like that. I want to see how you're harnessing and what you're doing to create that life that I want to have. [00:17:38] Cara: It's just showing me that it's possible. And, now I'm just gonna figure out how I can make it possible in my life instead of being like, They have it. I want it. [00:17:46] Hayley: I feel like if everybody's living their authentic. Self and plugged into their inner power and doing what they love. Then if that person's doing the same thing that you're doing, or they're doing something you want to do from that place, [00:18:00] there's room for everybody because you know, there's a group of us who are meant to plug people back into the sock, right? [00:18:07] Hayley: So the more of us there are is the better chance that there is, that the collect. We'll get better. [00:18:13] Cara: Yeah, and I mean, knowing human design, like there's five types, but like no one has the same chart, So knowing that you might come across another projector that might be doing the same thing as you, you still have different strengths and weaknesses that they don't have. [00:18:30] Cara: So you'd give it a whole different viewpoint of just saying like, Oh, I am different. I am me, and I'm gonna harness that. And so I a hundred percent agree with you is if. Kind of tap into our unique design. And however that is for a person, I do think the world would be a much better place instead of resisting it. [00:18:50] Cara: And I mean, I lived the first 37 years of my life just like not being myself, but I just didn't know any different, you know? And [00:19:00] it was like, no wonder Life felt so tough. I was trying to be someone I was, I'm not actually, I [00:19:05] Cara: was trying to be [00:19:05] Hayley: I just got goosebumps when you said that. Totally. Cuz I'm walking through life and I'm looking at someone who's probably like a generator, right? And I'm like, how do you do that? [00:19:14] Cara: Yeah. [00:19:15] Hayley: And it's just a different. Dynamic, It's a different path. [00:19:18] Cara: Yeah, I mean, I get that for myself. A lot of people are like, I don't know how you get so much done in the time that you have. And I'm like, I'm a manifesting generator. I also listen to my cycle and I literally have looked at myself. Down to a science so that I can be the most productive person possible with feeling my best and like feeling, you know, on top of it. [00:19:42] Cara: And talking about astrology. My sun is in my ninth house of self development. So like I am literally just meant to dive into that stuff. Like who am I? How can I be the best version? And. , who else has their sun in their ninth house? There are people, but like, are they also a [00:20:00] manifesting generator? [00:20:00] Cara: I don't know. So it is, it's those pieces that make that up to be, who are you and how can you harness that? And not everybody wants to be productive and knowing that like, that's okay and like you a hundred percent will help. Whoever you need to on your path, in your unique way, and like that doesn't have to be productive. [00:20:20] Cara: It's just for me to find a way that I can be productive in a way that I'm depleted and feel like I'm frustrated with life. [00:20:27] Hayley: Yes, [00:20:27] Cara: So as a projector, your strengths are, you can be confident. in your perception. You have highly attuned needs of others and can see through the most complex systems you're able to recognize, include the talents and abilities of others in a way that empowers and inspires them to use their life force more efficiently to their satisfaction. [00:20:51] Cara: see a lot of projectors being a coach, being that guide for other people because you know a lot. piece of the [00:21:00] projector is you have a lot more open, a lot more white in your chart, and a lot of times when there's white, it leaves more room for reflection so people can kind of like see that in themselves. [00:21:13] Cara: It can also be triggering, so that is also kind of the other side of it. So you can help guide people, but know. You know, the benefit is you will have a, an immense ability to help people achieve their highest potential. So, like a life coach is ideal for a projector and you know, you can offer that a valuable insight and guidance. [00:21:37] Cara: But then the weakness is to share their perceptions without being asked. That is going to repel it. And just because you may see other people's needs doesn't mean that they'll be welcomed, which can lead to rejection and bitterness. So it's that like not following the design. I feel like a lot of people in the spirituality, self awareness space, they start to realize [00:22:00] these designs within them that they didn't know. [00:22:02] Cara: Like they didn't put a name to it, they didn't know it was a part of their human design. But they start to see because they have that self-awareness. And ultimately human design, astrology is like based on being aware of yourself and using that as a projector, success is what you strive for, but. you're not meant hustle. You are supposed to have a lot of breaks. So back to knowing that you are supposed to take breaks, especially a week before your period starts is a huge aspect because again, like you allow that you have, you're gonna connect with your intuition. And it's gonna be stronger than ever and that you won't have to work as hard because the universe is like, Yes, we're creating together. [00:22:45] Cara: Like, you me, let's do this. You know, like that's my experience from it is those things that I'm visioning, I'm manifesting, felt so hard before and now. . It's like, hey, when you stop and you stop hustling and you connect with yourself and you [00:23:00] do these things, I'm gonna show you how easy it is. [00:23:02] Cara: And it's just learning to know that that mindset and changing those patterns, you know what I mean? Like I'm pretty sure the majority of people in this world now, like there's that hustle mentality somewhere in their life that they have to break. [00:23:16] Hayley: And that totally resonates for me because the past got over a decade. I was in the corporate world, I was in sales, and so that helped me for a long period of time because you're dealing with people and I. I got to hang out with people all day. But when it came to like the sales part and the corporate aspect of it was something that I was choosing right? [00:23:35] Hayley: And I liked to do and it, and it paid my bills. But about six months ago, you know, I kept sitting in my car and being like, am I doing with my life? This isn't it. I don't feel productive at all. [00:23:48] Hayley: Feel numb in my life. I remember talking to a friend of mine and he was like, How many times do you laugh a day? And you know, during your work workday? And I said, And just that piece, just him [00:24:00] asking that question, I was like, Ew. Like that's terrible. and it was just simple things. I started to change, you know, downloading TikTok and watching goat videos or kitty cat videos, something to make me laugh throughout my day. [00:24:11] Hayley: And then it started to grow and it was like, okay, there's this deep disconnection in my life. I'm not supposed to be doing this. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, but it's not this. So I had to like go down that journey for sure. [00:24:24] Cara: Yeah, I mean I got chills when you said that because I, personally know how that felt like I was a hairstylist for 19 years. Like I literally thought I was going to do it until, that. [00:24:35] Hayley: For sure. [00:24:36] Cara: Yes. and it was crazy because like my body was telling me, you can't do this anymore. [00:24:42] Cara: I didn't have the boundaries. I didn't know how to care for myself. And so it's so powerful when people realize like, Ooh, I don't think this is for me, it's scary cuz you're like, What am I supposed to do? But [00:24:53] Cara: FIX you know [00:24:54] Hayley: And then there's that guilt too because you're like, I chose this [00:24:57] Cara: Mm-hmm. [00:24:59] Hayley: I'm here [00:25:00] because I chose it. [00:25:00] Cara: Yes, as a manifesting generator, I am supposed to do a million things and it's always supposed to be ever evolving and like I'm just like, Okay, this is what I'm doing. [00:25:11] Cara: Oh, okay, this is what I'm doing. And it's like, Hey, guess what? I like fought that for ultimately my whole life. And now that I can kind of lean into it and just say like, I am a manifesting generator, so now I know to not make those promise. I don't know. I'm gonna do it until it feels good. [00:25:27] Cara: And then when it stops feeling good, I'm gonna pivot. And that's okay. And it's that like permission. But you know, another key point that you had said, like adding TikTok to watch those videos, you know, the biggest thing about having this like life of purpose and ease and for it to feel good isn't. I'm gonna quit my job and start all over. [00:25:44] Cara: That's not where it starts. It's like adding those little tiny things into your day that you have more joy, that you laugh more, that you feel connected to yourself. And so it's like you don't have to burn everything to the ground and start over again to get that purpose back in. You know, there [00:26:00] was a book I read, ugh, I can't remember the name of it. [00:26:03] Cara: I think it was by Elizabeth Gilbert, but it was ultimately, . You know, there was a woman who just wasn't feeling fulfilled and she just started ice skating every week. and like that brought her joy back. That's all she needed to do. She still works at her same job. She still does all those things, but it's just like, how can you connect with yourself? [00:26:19] Cara: What can you do that isn't connected to anyone else, purely to yourself that you can just kind of, shut down, enjoy yourself, And a lot of times it's like connecting with that inner child. Like what did, what did the child's version of you wanted to do? [00:26:33] Hayley: Right, and that's the key, right, that that's what you need to ask yourself if you're in that place, is what can I do today for myself? To make myself feel good, and it's that little simple step. [00:26:44] Cara: Yeah. And not saying you're too busy to do it because [00:26:48] Hayley: That's your ego being really afraid. [00:26:50] Cara: It is. And if you felt like. , you weren't allowed to do those things as a child. You're just feeding more into that wound. You're [00:27:00] denying yourself from being able to do those things that brought you joy as a child. And it's not you know, parents were like, You can't do this. [00:27:07] Cara: It's just like life was so busy that you maybe didn't get to choose those things. It was all kind of revolved around other people. And so yeah, you deny yourself. You're just telling that child. Nope, sorry. You're not important enough. You just really have to make sure your cup's full before you take care of anybody else in your life. And because I did that for a long time and my family got a version of me that I look back and I'm, you know, I was doing the best I could at the time it was, but I didn't like that version of me at all. [00:27:38] Cara: And. Filling yourself up before you know, so that everybody else around you can thrive. [00:27:43] Hayley: Totally, cuz that's how it works, right? You can't fill anybody else's cup with your own empty cup. You know? What are you doing to fill your own cup so you can be the best version of yourself for the people around you. [00:27:54] Cara: Yeah. So another part of a weakness of a projector is once you [00:28:00] learn not to work with your own energy but sensitively coordinate that of others, you will be on the road of success. So not being busy all the time is key. Leaving plenty of room for rejuvenation that will allow you to step into your power and once you get the invite, those people will be grateful for your gifts and show appreciation. [00:28:20] Cara: And so that will get that fulfillment that will fill your cup so that you can do more with those around. [00:28:27] Hayley: Yes. [00:28:27] Cara: So that's just the basic of a projector. And then I, The other two aspects I really like to touch on with human design is your authority and that's how you should make decisions. And yours is emotional, and that is just being emotionally. So the best way to describe this is something triggers you and you're in the storm of emotions. [00:28:53] Cara: It is key for you to wait for these emotions, however you need to process 'em, journal, [00:29:00] meditate, take a walk in nature to not make any decisions until you were over that emotional rollercoaster. You need to make sure that it's like a calm, clear. time in your life that you can harness that because you'll make a rash decision and then you'll look back and say, Ooh, ooh, mm, maybe I shouldn't have done that. [00:29:19] Hayley: Totally. And one of my trauma responses from growing up is people pleasing. So if someone asks something of me or a situation comes up where I do need to make a decision, my brain goes into overdrive automatically. To how can I make this other person happy? So it's definitely be been a learning curve of like recognizing that that's something that I do, and then telling them, Let me think about it, or I'll get back to you tomorrow. [00:29:46] Hayley: Or, something to where I give myself that time to make that decision for myself and not for somebody. [00:29:53] Cara: for sure. I'm a sacral response. I do feel it in my gut, which, people also have, but like, I think you [00:30:00] would still have that feeling in your gut, but it's knowing that you shouldn't make the decision when there's emotional chaos, even if it's not yours, if it's someone else's. [00:30:09] Cara: the fact that you say like, I'll let you. You know what I mean? Like if I can't make that decision, I'll let you know. And then either they forget about it, they don't ask about it, or they ask again, and I still don't know. [00:30:21] Cara: I've found that the majority of the decisions that I don't want to answer or I don't wanna give that answer either fizzle out and I don't have to make it and it works itself out. And so it's just like that, Oh no, I gotta ma give an answer now or I gotta please someone now. There's gonna be resentment about it down the line, you, them, however that may be So it's good that you've, one, realizes a trauma response and that it is connected to it because it's so hard. And a lot of times, when there's an emotional uprising, whether it's nine or someone else's, like I have to leave the room. I have to leave the room and kind of figure out like, what's mine, what's theirs, how do I feel? [00:30:56] Cara: Process the emotion and then kind of come back to it. [00:30:59] Hayley: [00:31:00] And that's tricky because. Someone who might not have that trauma response or who doesn't understand the need for the recalibration you need to have in your head will take you leaving a situation as an insult. So there's also a learning curve that happens where, okay, how How can I let them know that this, this is just me needing to figure it out and come to. From a safe space, communicate this with this person? [00:31:24] Hayley: from a, a place of calm and clarity and not panic. [00:31:29] Cara: Yes, and it's one of those, it's like building that toolkit that you need to make decisions that's best for you, and then communicating to those that are affected by it and say like, Hey, you know, this is just kind of how I'm processing it. And that's one of the hardest things for me personally, is like, Finding out about my design in all ways. [00:31:48] Cara: Probably through a lot of people upside down because they're like, Here she was like this and now she's like that. And it's learning how to honor who I am and not merge into what other people want me [00:32:00] to be. And it's taken a lot of tough conversations or disappointing people and it's just kind of like you're gonna have to disappoint people. [00:32:08] Hayley: did you notice when the, you started going through this process that like people in your life got quiet? right? There's a good amount of people. When I started to be true to myself and vocalizing that right, finding my voice, a lot of people in my life got quiet and I was like, Okay, I can, I see this now, like, you know, when I start living from a genuine place where the inauthentic relationships were. [00:32:31] Cara: Yeah, and I found like I can't tolerate certain conversations. Like I just, I want no part of it. Like my energy is precious to me. I have to make sure I'm the best version of myself for myself, and then my kids, and then my husband, and like that's the order that they go in. [00:32:47] Cara: I can't worry about how this affects other people because they're not worrying about how it affects me, [00:32:55] Hayley: And they're not questioning why it affects them, right? why is [00:33:00] me living from a place of authenticity bothering you? [00:33:03] Cara: Yeah, I always say that. When there's that judgment, it's a lot of times it's a reflection of their own insecurities. [00:33:09] Hayley: it makes me think of my entire life because I've met people. that, you know, barely know me and are instantly uncomfortable with me. And I, you have to kind of look at it as like, I'm kind of mirroring back to them something that's making them really uncomfortable. [00:33:23] whether it's, something I'm saying or just my energy that they're not ready for like dating, for example, like my entire life guys would say like, You're the type of girl I fall in love with. I'm not ready for that right now. You. Come back later my whole life. And that's the same kind of energy, right? [00:33:39] Hayley: It's like it's the bigger energy of like showing you what you could be. I don't want that to sound conceited cuz it's not. It's like I want everybody to live their authentic life. And so when I show up in a certain way, a lot of people are like, Oh, nope, nope. That's not, I'm not ready for. [00:33:56] Cara: You're literally shining the light where [00:34:00] someone needs to, to heal, and like I said, it's a very good place for a life coach, especially because if someone seeks you out first, you are. Invited to help them. You will definitely be a person that will help them heal. It's just when they're ready, [00:34:15] Hayley: Right, [00:34:16] Cara: those seeds and making sure, [00:34:17] Hayley: Planting seeds, that's what I have to take away from this. Right. I gotta just plant the seeds. [00:34:22] Cara: Plant the seeds. Don't take offense to it. Cuz I used to get so offended, I'm like, But this will change your life. they'll come to it if and when they're ready, and if not, you know, That's fine. [00:34:33] Hayley: Right. So people like to live in the little bubble that they've lived in their whole life and you know, Good on you. , but like recognizing there's a bubble for me, it's like No thanks. [00:34:41] Cara: Yeah. So some recommendations with using this emotional authority would be just to make sure you leave space to process your emotions before committing. Find practices that help support you, like journaling, meditating, walking in nature. Pay attention to your initial instinct, but wait a day or two to make that [00:35:00] decision. [00:35:00] Cara: And clarity comes with time and changing your mind is okay. and letting those around. You know that you don't make the best decisions when you feel rushed. And if you come to a place of trying to justify a decision, it may need to be revised. [00:35:15] Hayley: Preach. Amen to that, [00:35:16] Cara: Yeah. And it is, it's like having these conversations and you know, it's one of those, I would come from a family they may not wanna hear a lot about human design and astrology. And so saying it in a way of like, Hey, this is how I process things. Like, you don't have to say like, My human design is like this. [00:35:33] Cara: It's just like, I've been working through some things and this is how I process. And so this would be the best way that we can go about that. And so leaving out the whole woo factor. and then to speak on the whole strategy, which is the wait, you know, waiting to be invited. the strategy is to wait for the invitation to find success and avoid bitterness. [00:35:53] Cara: To best utilize your strengths, wait to be recognized or asked to share your wisdom, to be fully [00:36:00] appreciated. So with an invitation and the recognition comes, it's the right timing. So while you're, wait. Rest to rejuvenate your spirit research so you can master your skills, play to wake up your soul, and then you will become a magnet for the things you want. [00:36:16] Cara: So those are just my suggestions when you feel impatient, do those things and hopefully the universe will recognize the co-creation and then they will put those things in your life so that you. invited, and you know, this is kind of on the line of being invited, but I do feel like if you're like, Hmm, I want a life coach, and then you see a program like it comes to you, you know, that to me is an invitation. [00:36:44] Cara: you know, connect with that, your initial instinct and see if that fits with you, because I feel like adding those little pieces to it and just knowing how you are built and utilizing that. [00:36:54] Hayley: That all sounds like everything my intuition tells me all the time, and it's just a [00:37:00] matter of like, are you gonna listen to it? Right It, and I've said, For so long. It's like the universe always gives you what you ask for, right? It's like, I want love in my life, and then love will come to you and it's like, ah, no wait, I'm not ready. [00:37:11] Hayley: So it's all about are you ready to accept what you're asking for? [00:37:15] Cara: definitely. So I'm gonna touch on just two other things that I think would help you on this and your profile, which is that one three on your chart is the investigator of experience, and so that is the research aspect. and then experiencing it. And that's just kind of how you can really tap into that. [00:37:36] Cara: like dive into the details. Look how you can grow and improve. I have the one in mine. And so like, yes, like I wanna know all the things. And so then for you to really harness that is you have to experience it, you have to like go through the process. And so that's gonna be, part of that key point of you harnessing your design is. [00:37:57] Cara: Utilizing that research aspect [00:38:00] and then experience it. And then that's how you can ultimately help guide other people through their process of life and say like, you know, Oh, this resource will help you. And you know, like, I maybe went through that myself and this helped me. So take what you like as long as you're invited to do it. [00:38:16] Cara: You know, So, another little aspect. this wasn't in the form that I had you fill out, but I know you had clicked the manifesting part. And so there's a piece on human designs about specific manifestors and non-specific manifestors. And the difference is, is you still need to be specific with your manifesting, but it can be general. [00:38:36] Cara: So, , you can make multiple lists for the same thing that you're manifesting. Like think of it as a menu for the universe to choose from. Imagine what that feels like if you're. Thinking about a vacation and you're trying to manifest to this vacation you want, It can be general and say like, it's warm, it has beaches, it's gonna be relaxing, it's gonna be during springtime, it's going to be walking distance to the beach. [00:38:59] Cara: Whereas [00:39:00] like I'm a specific manifester and mine's gonna be like, I'm going to Hawaii. It's going to. At a retreat center, it's going to have this, this, and this. So like I have to get very specific in what I want, but knowing that you can make like general lists and have like a menu and say like, I'm just very big on if there's something that you want and you wanna manifest it, like put it somewhere, like make a vision board, write a journal, and then, you know, like just say like, Yeah, I want. [00:39:30] Cara: My coaching practice to look like this be very general. You. I don't think you have to get as specific with your ICA as some people when it comes with your ideal client. So that's just kind of some tips with the manifesting and human to design. So we didn't really get into your astrology chart, human design has pieces of astrology in it, and like this was just the general light surface of human design. It can get really deep. I do also like to share the wounds that your chart has, [00:40:00] and I feel like in this conversation it seems to fit that you have to trust the facts more than your intuition and your inner wisdom. [00:40:08] Cara: and I feel like with you saying about the research and not listening to the intuition, and so it's knowing that you're meant to deal with that, like that is part of your life lesson of knowing, finding that balance between finding the facts and listening to your intuition and just knowing that. I personally feel like if anybody could do one thing for themselves is to strengthen their intuition, like they're golden. [00:40:32] Cara: That's the one thing that they can do to really live in this life with meaning and purpose and know that our intuition is our, our best friend will help us, [00:40:42] Hayley: Right. And we talked about this a little bit last night, right? And my intuition's really big on it just kind of like drops in, right? It's just that inner voice doesn't really have emotion. That's just like, here's what you should be doing, here's what you shouldn't be doing. And for me it's like, But like, is that my e There's always a conversation of is it my ego or is it my [00:41:00] intuition? [00:41:00] Hayley: And then, okay, I'll just research it and then come out with a, you know, like, and I'm working on finding my inner strengths and my inner voice to be like, Okay, I don't care how my ego feels about this. Like, here's. How I authentically feel in this moment and here's what I'm going to do and living from that place, cuz I've lived my whole life with, I'm not going to speak unless I know for sure I know the answer, you know? [00:41:21] Hayley: And I'm not going to do this unless I know for sure I can do it. And that's such a safe and structured place to live. But there's no growth there. There's no abundance there. you know, that's what's happening now with me LA lately, is connecting back with that intuition and ignoring the need to research and ignoring the ne for validation. [00:41:41] Hayley: I don't need somebody else to tell me that I have the right answer, Like I just need to live it that way. [00:41:47] Cara: Yeah. I think there's so many people that are looking for external. People to tell them what to do. And it's like things like human design, astrology, and your cycle will literally tell you what you're supposed to do because all three of those things help connect [00:42:00] to your intuition. [00:42:00] Hayley: Mm. [00:42:01] Cara: And so if you're wondering the difference between the two, if like you're telling yourself why you think you should do it, it's probably your ego. Like, I gotta go to the gym because I need to work out and I eat crappy last night. [00:42:14] Cara: And it's just like, your intuition would be like, just go for a walk outside. And you're like, Why? And it's just like, go for a walk outside. It's easy [00:42:20] Hayley: Yeah. [00:42:21] Hayley: It's about, you know, being present within yourself. And Eckhart Toley is one of my favorite speakers, and he says that, you know, being present is the spot where you get past the form of thought. So when you recognize that your thoughts are not yours, right, that's not you, and you get past those, that's where you can live from a place of presence of being awake. [00:42:43] Hayley: Of living through your intuition is getting past those thoughts, like recognizing them as a first step and then you just have to get past them. [00:42:50] Cara: Yeah. Get out of our heads guys. We gotta get out of our heads. [00:42:53] Hayley: Mm-hmm. totally. [00:42:54] Cara: Well, I very much enjoyed this conversation with you, Haley, so thanks for coming on [00:43:00] the show. I'll make sure that all your information is in the show notes. If anyone is looking to connect with her, and I know you're meant to be a coach I feel like. Most projectors are some sort of guide with other people. [00:43:14] Cara: And so I commend you for taking that step without even knowing that that is your design. So, I'm so happy we connected and radiant and I know we will have many other conversations. So thank you for coming on. [00:43:25] Hayley: For sure. Thank you so much for having me. This was great. [00:43:28] Cara: welcome. We'll chat soon. [00:43:30] Thank you so much for joining me this week. If this is your first time. Welcome. And if you've joined me for previous episodes, thank you so much for coming back before you go. I'd love. If you could share this podcast with a friend, it means so much, and I'd be grateful for the support. I always love the connection I get with the people I've met on this journey. If you want to find out how to connect with Hayley, check the show notes. And all the links mentioned will be Caradempsey.com/34. We'll chat soon. [00:44:00]